himitsu no paradise

Fragile (a Chocolate Kisses prologue)

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 05:46:00 GMT

my heart's easily broken
so i'm keeping it in a jar
on the topmost shelf
where your eyes won't see
and your hands won't reach

...goes the made-up song Tegoshi hums in his head while he stares at the Yamashita across the room, laughing with his group of friends, oblivious of what Tegoshi's currently going through. Tegoshi wonders if Yamashita even knew he was there.

Tegoshi thinks of leaving, but somehow the couch had a hold on him, like a magnet. He smiles a sad smile and continues singing silently.

won't you look my way?
even just for a second?
just a second
and i'll be happy for days
lalala~

TADAIMA!

Sat, 14 Feb 2009 20:25:08 GMT

i'm back! yay~ i wonder if anyone missed me...
but before diving into fics, i think i have pending memes from vie-chan >_<

--------------

Meme #1:

1. Post the names of some of your favorite musicians. [15]
2. See who can guess which is your favorite song by each.
3. Once someone guesses correctly, bold that row and include the song.

1. NEWS - silver_plane
2. SuperJunior
3. Big Bang
4. Kanjani8
5. Loveholic
6. Nakashima Mika
7. Clazziquai
8. SHINee
9. DBSK
10. CSJH
11. SNSD
12. KARA
13. Arashi
14. Perfume
15. TegoMass - silver_plane

------------------

Meme #2:

Each blogger must post this rules.
Each blogger must start with ten random facts about themselves.
Bloggers that are tagged need to write about their own blog, ten things and post this rules. Don't forget to leave them comments telling them they have been tagged and are to read your blog.

10 Random Facts about me.
1. i'm older than everyone in NEWS -_-
2. i love cats even though i'm allergic to them
3. i hate wearing skirts
4. i have a secret (now it's not a secret anymore ne? XD) crush on ryo
5. i'm on massu-mode and i don't even know why
6. i'm obsessed with RyoTego XDD
7. i haven't bought any NEWS stuff *bad fan*
8. i think cloud strife is hot. so is reno. and vincent valentine. and rufus shinra. and kadaj. and yazoo. and......
9. i'm inlove with 'neoro boinda' by SMASH
10. i think loveholic is the best korean band ever

1. Who's the person that tagged you?
vie-chan

2. Relationship between you & her?
she's my imouto in the NEWS fandom

3. Three impressions of her?
1) thoughtful
2) great writer
3) the best imouto :D

4. If she becomes your enemy, you will?
omg no TT______________TT

5. What will you say to the person you like very much?
probably nothing.

6. Characteristic I like about myself?
i can be very loyal

7. Characteristic I hate about myself?
i get hurt and depressed easily. and very jealous. and possessive.

8. For the person whom you hate, you say?
not worth my time and energy

9. What do people feel about you?
at first impressions, i might look unapproachable. but i really love to talk!

10. Your crush?
too many. tegoshi?

11. Pass this to 10 people:
i don't have a lot of contacts in this acct, so anyone will do.

and also, i hope it's ok if i altered it a bit...
1. vie-chan
2. irene-chan
3. miru
4. rui
5. mayne
6. ri
7. tegoshi
8. ryo
9. massu
10. notti

12. If 5 & 7 were together?
they'd fight over who gets Tegoshi XDD

13. Who does 5 like?
Tegoshi

14. What col0ur does 9 like?
i think it's blue...

15. Say something about 8?
omg. he is...something :P

16. Who is 2?
a fellow crazy RyoTego fangirl who calls me 'senpai'

17. Talk about 3.
she's my twin in the newsph forum. we love bullying our twin shige. she loves massu. she loves milk.

18. Who is 10's best friend?
kei and shige

19. Who's the sexiest among all 10?
muzukashi!!!

20. What colour does 4 like?
blue?

21. Is 4 single?
yeah (unless you include kei in the picture)

22. Your relationship with 1?
she's my imouto in the NEWS fandom. i can talk to her about anything. i love her very much.

23. Are 5 & 6 best friends?
nope

24. 9's surname?
masuda

25. 7's nickname?
tesshi. tegonyan~

26. Say something to 8.
taisukeeeeeeeee *glomps*

27.Say something to help 9.
i know it's not much but...*offers gyoza*

28. Who do I admire?
tegoshi *biased*

29. Where does 1 live?
indonesia

30. 10 of them know who you like?
just 6 of them

31. Say something to 6 when you see her.
mayne! i miss you!

32. 10's spouse?
none. he's too young! :P

------------------------

Meme #3:

01. What are your nicknames?
nadz, dem, tata, nadzkie, tatski, nj, nation, naddy, nadnad

02. How does your hair look like currently?
it has grown long since the last time i had it cut and straightened.

03. What's new in your life right now?
applying for a job. can't think of anything else.

04. How many colours are you wearing now?
2 (pink and black)

05. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
introvert. unless i'm very close to the person.

06. What was the last book you read?
the cat painter

07. Do you nap a lot?
yeah, if i have nothing else to do.

08. If you had to have a one night stand with someone famous, who would you like it to be?
Ryo. isn't it supposed to be Tegoshi? yabai~

09. Is there anything that has made you happy these days?
not really. there's a lot more things that are making me sad. maa, at least there's always tegoshi and ryotego.

10. What's your current obsession?
RyoTego forever!!! woot~ others? well, loveholic, nakashima mika

11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
about 2 hours

12. What websites do you visit daily?
blogger, emails, news_jpop, newsph

13. Do you write fic? What was the last fic you wrote?
yeah (mainly for my own amusement). Regrets - Part 5

14. What's the last thing you laughed about?
some cheesy ending on tv

15. What's the last song that got stuck in your head?
Again and Again (bossa nova version) by The Bird and The Bee

16. What's the last movie you saw?
Twilight

17. Would you enter a relationship with your ideal partner, even if you knew he/she was seriously involved with/married to someone else and would never leave them?
hmm, i might. i might not. i couldn't say unless i'm already in that situation.

18. What is your least favourite thing to do that you did today?
none

B. Tag eight people. Don't refuse to do that. Don't tag who tagged you
i don't have enough people to tag. besides, most of my contacts are tagged already! gomen!

--------------

ok, now i really have to go back to updating *pressured*

--edit--
and i almost forgot, it's my niiban's birthday.

OTANJOUBI OMEDETOU KUSANOTTI!!! imusm~~
hurry up and come back to Pi NEWS ne~

hiatus

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 12:33:44 GMT

minna!!! how have you been? i know this might be too late but i wanted to tell you just the same that i won't be going online that much bcoz i'm currently reviewing for licensure exams on december. hontouni gomen!!! this is proving to be very hard for me, since i've been so used to being online almost everyday and suddenly being deprived of it -_-

i miss writing fics. i miss reading fics. i miss RyoTego. i miss NEWS~ *sniffs*

i hope you'll all still be here when i come back~ stay well, all of you!!!

One Week (1/?)

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 18:44:37 GMT

She trudged down the path, blue umbrella in hand, her enormous bag on the other. It had started raining an hour ago when she was still inside the office, doing last minute revisions which took longer than she expected. The digital clock on the wall read 9pm. Crap. She was late. Again.

She hurried down the slippery stretch of road, struggling to see ahead, blurred by the now angry pouring of rain. She shivered, having conveniently forgotten to bring a jacket. There was a distant light, a sign.

At closer inspection, she realized it was a bar. She weighed her options for a second before finally deciding to seek temporary shelter. She felt her pocket buzz, someone was calling. Hurriedly, she fished out her celphone and cringed when her mother's hushed voice erupted from the speaker.

"Amakusa Risa! Where the hell are you?!"

She opened her mouth to speak but her mother interrupted. "You better get your butt here or you will hear it from me."

She cradled her celphone on her shoulder as she pulled off her cardigan and ordered a drink.

"Mom, I'm really sorry but I don't think I can come. It's raining and--"

"Oh don't you use that excuse on me. Do you know how long we have been waiting for you? You're always doing this. I'm really getting tired of being humiliated." Risa rolled her eyes.

"Dakara why don't you just stop, mom? No one asked you to do those things."

"I am doing this for you so don't you get sassy on me."

Risa sighed. Best to just keep quiet and listen to her mom until she gets tired of nagging her over the phone. It's the easiest way. She focused her attention on the TV, phone still pressed on her ear, tuning out her mother's voice.

"Ne, are you listening?"

"Yes, mother...Look, I really can't come. I'm sorry. Next time, I promise."

"What am I ever going to do with you?" Then her mother hung up.

She imagined by now her mother would be preoccupied with saying her apologies to again a failed blind date, because she didn't show up.

She stumbled out of her shoes in the hallway, eager to hunt down her favorite green sweater and mismatched socks. She didn't bother turning on the lights. It was Friday. All of her friends were home, taking care of their little kids. Except for one, who was on the lookout for some unfortunate bachelor to prey on. She chuckled at a certain funny memory. She'd never let herself resort to that. Or to blind dates arranged by her mother.

She was fine being single. And no, she's not worrying about how she's not getting any younger. She was happy with her work, and her dog--oh wait, she didn't have one. She reminded herself to look for a pet shop next time she had time off work. Her friends were too busy with babies to feed and bathe and cuddle everyday. Those cute little things she wanted to squish every time she goes to visit every once in a while.

She had so many things she wanted to do. Stuff like traveling, and bungee jumping, and a pile of books she bought but haven't read yet, and movies she wanted to watch, alone. The list goes on, she mumbled to her own reflection as she hastily brushed her teeth and crawled to bed. She wouldn't have time for guys. That was her last thought before dozing off.

The sound of the alarm clock startled her. She groaned as she tried to reach for it on the side-table. But before she could, a hand had beat her to it. She opened her eyes fully and came face to face with somebody's torso, with well-defined abs.

Her eyes grew wide as she directed them up and was staring into a pair of eyes, down to the perfect-shaped nose, and full lips. She snapped as if from a trance.

Why was there a stranger in her room? Had she forgotten to lock her door or any of her windows? Is this guy a thief? Or even worse a rapist?!

He smiled just then, then made a move towards her.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAA~ Don't, don't come any closer!!!" She screamed as she grabbed a pillow and threw it at him. But it landed on the floor instead.

-------------------------------

a/n: another het fic (whyyyyyyyyy)
unbeta-ed as always. will be subject to tons of editing.
yappari, i really am hopeless -_-

Regrets (6/?)

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 05:20:24 GMT

Ryo ignored his phone as it rang for the fifth time. He very well knew who was calling, and why that someone was calling. He imagined Uchi making a fuss over him not showing up on his birthday and how he'll never hear the end of it. But Ryo isn't sure he's ready to face Tegoshi again just yet, especially not with what he saw days ago. He was also not sure if he'll be able to hold back once he sees Yamapi, because he likely to be there too.

He had been pacing back in forth in his room for the past hour, trying to persuade himself to go, then contradicting it. He's fighting with the part of himself who wanted to go, and the other part who is being stubborn. It's tiring, this game of pingpong in his head. And the constant ringing of his phone isn't helping.

He wanted to throw it out the window. But he knew that sooner or later Uchi would show up and drag his ass down to the party. He knew he was safer outside of the house but minutes had passed and he was still there in his room.

A knock finally came to his door, more like a pound actually. Ryo didn't need to guess who it was. Uchi's annoyed face greeted him as he went to open it.

"I can't believe you made me pick you up, Nishikido Ryo. What the hell are you playing at?"

"Uchi, it's just a birthday. It's not like someone's gonna die if I'm not there"

Uchi abruptly stopped and turned, almost colliding into him.

"It's not just a birthday. It's MY birthday and YOU'RE my bestfriend."

Ryo rolled his eyes as Uchi dragged him by the sleeve of his jacket. What are they, ten?

----------

Ryo found out Tegoshi wasn't at the party. He had to stay and study for his exams.

"Missing him already?" Uchi teased, earning himself a glare from Ryo.

Ryo retreated to the garden after all the candle-blowing and cake-eating. He had given Uchi his present which was fancy enough for Uchi to leave him alone. He didn't really know why he needed to be there. But he figured he could stay a little while, since he's feeling safe with Tegoshi and Yamapi's absence.

Ryo should've bitten his tongue because moments later, Yamapi arrived with (to Ryo's absolute shock) the same girl he was with in the cafe. What the hell is happening?

Ryo wanted an explanation from Yamapi that instant. But he wasn't intoxicated enough to make a scene and embarrass himself. It didn't mean he couldn't throw imaginary knives at Yamapi though. But he had to rearrange his expression because Yamapi had noticed him glaring at him. And now he was heading to Ryo's direction. Oh shit.

"Hey, Nishikido-kun"

"Yamapi"

Ryo wished Yamapi would leave him alone to drink his beer in peace. But to Ryo's dismay, Yamapi sat across from him. Neither of them spoke in the next minutes. Ryo started feeling anxious. Yamapi didn't look like he was going to start a conversation and there was so much Ryo wanted to ask him. Finally, Ryo couldn't take it anymore. He cleared his throat and opened his mouth. But just then he sees the girl from the cafe heading towards them.

"Honey," she called out to Yamapi. "Obachan's looking for you."

Ryo looked up, face puzzled. Yamapi nodded as if he understood. He turned to the girl.

"Ah, sou ka? I'll be there in a minute then. By the way, this is Nishikido-kun, Uchi's bestfriend."

The girl's eyes widened. Ryo didn't miss the looks she and Yamapi exchanged. She turned to Ryo, smiled and bowed politely before introducing herself.

"I'm Horikita Maki. It's nice to finally meet you, Nishikudo-kun."

"Eh? What do you mean?" But Maki just smiled and left them alone again.

Ryo looked so lost. Yamapi thought he should enlighten him.

"She's my fiancee."

"EH? But i thought you and Tegoshi--"

Yamapi laughed, then his expression turned grave.

"I know I'm being a bad oniichan to Tegoshi with what I'm about to do, betraying his confidences, to you of all people. But I also think he deserves to be happy."

"Oniichan?" This was all too much for Ryo. He tried to make sense of everything.

"Technically. I'm his stepbrother. His mom married my dad. That's why they moved to Tokyo, to live with us. Uchi didn't tell you?"

"Why that little--" Uchi was so dead. Ryo didn't care if it's his birthday. Ryo wanted to hunt Uchi down but Yamapi's next words kept him there

"I always wanted to have a brother. I was so happy when Tegoshi-kun came along. But when I first met him, he always kept to himself, and I would always catch him crying. I felt sorry for him. I truly wanted to be his oniichan so I tried to befriend him, and he finally opened up to me. He talked to me about stuff, about you. And then I understood why Tegoshi still couldn't be genuinely happy."

Yamapi paused, but Ryo didn't seem like he was going to say anything. So Yamapi went on.

"But lately he's been sad again. I know it's my fault. I shouldn't have forced him to come all the way back here when I know what seeing you could do to him. It just hurts to see him the way he is now. Even though he tries to act strong, he doesn't fool me." Yamapi sighed.

Ryo's grip on the empty bottle tightened. His heart felt like it was going to explode, thinking about what Tegoshi had been going through.

"I thought I would try to at least fix things, even though Tegoshi would probably hate me for this. I just can't stand and not do something."

------------

It must have been twenty minutes since Yamapi went back inside. To Ryo it seemed longer. But it really didn't matter. All he could think about was Yamapi's last words.

"Tegoshi still loves you, you know. I don't think he ever stopped loving you. And if I'm not mistaken, I'd say you love him too. So what are you going to do about it, Nishikido-kun?"

So what are you going to do about it?
So what are you going to do about it?
So what are you going to do about it?

The words echoed in Ryo's head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: omg, it took me forever to update. but it's finally here! i hope it's not such a disappointment -_-''
i dedicate this fic to irene-chan(newnews20) who kinda forced me to write last night, which i failed to do. gomen ne!!! and to vie-chan (silver_plane) who's just always there. i love you two!!! *hugs* and to all the people who were waiting for updates, this is for you too :D
but this is not the end yet. last chapter's next, i promise!

Regrets (5/?)

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 21:18:38 GMT

Ryo kept himself busy with work in the following days, squeezing a few part-time jobs in between, and in the weekends he did deliveries for his mother. He made sure he'd be swamped enough that when night came, he'll be too tired to think of anything else. He wanted to be able to forget Tegoshi and move on as fast as possible.

He hasn't been hanging out with Uchi either. Tegoshi's bound to come up in the conversations and much worse Uchi will keep shoving it in Ryo's face. Ryo didn't need any of that right now. He really meant it when he said he wanted to stay away, and that includes not even hearing anything that's related to Tegoshi. Ryo thought it he was being harsh, but it's the only way he knew how, or else he won't get anywhere near forgetting Tegoshi.

Uchi would still pester him on some mornings, and complain about how they haven't done anything fun together lately. Uchi also told him for the ninth time that his method of forgetting Tegoshi was ridiculous, especially the part where Uchi sees Ryo a lot less.

"I'm your best friend for goodness' sake!" Uchi had exclaimed over the phone, which Ryo answers in his head: Well, it's too bad you and Tegoshi are related, and you talk too much. Ryo ignores Uchi as he continues to whine, and starts shaving in the bathroom using one hand.

"Sabishii yo!" Uchi pouted in that one evening when he finally got a hold of Ryo, who was in the middle of his break from work.

"Ha! That's coming from someone who goes on too many dates with his girlfriend" Ryo teased, taking a bite on his onigiri.

"Demooooo~ being with Saori is different from being with Ryo-chan, you know...Ah! I almost forgot, my birthday's next Wednesday ne. My mother wants to throw a party"

Ryo snorted. Uchi's mom has always thrown him parties on his past birthdays, even when they were already in high school, even when Uchi got into college and had a girlfriend, nothing changed. Ryo thought it was quite silly but Uchi was an only child after all, and Uchi loved the parties anyway. Such a kid, Ryo thought.

"You're coming, right? I won't forgive you if you don't show up"

"Your threats won't work on me, baka" Ryo stood up. "Break's over. I'm going back inside" Ryo threw the empty soda can in the garbage bin.

"Don't forget, ne! I'll be waiting for my present" Uchi shouted at Ryo's retreating back. Ryo waved without turning.

------------

Ryo found himself in a coffee shop somewhere in Tokyo. It was a little after noon and he was feeling a little grumpy for being woken up too early by his mom, nagging him to get the delivery to one of her clients, telling him that he'll never hear the end of it if he fails to give it on time. As soon as it was taken cared of, he searched for the nearest shop he could find.

Already on his third cup of coffee but he was still feeling a little sleepy. He yawned openly, took out a cigarette (good thing he was in the smoking area), lit it, and looked around the shop from where he was sitting. There was quite a few people, mostly couples on dates and some who wanted a quick bite in between working hours.

Ryo didn't want to think that he was just a few blocks from someone's house, didn't want to think about what that someone must be doing right now, and how he really wanted to see that someone's face. Ryo sighed. Staying away, he realized, was way easier said than done. Try as he might, Tegoshi would still manage to enter his thoughts every day, no matter how tired he gets from working too much. Ryo would be having lunch one day and Tegoshi would just pop up in his mind.

It seems like the more he wanted to forget, the more he's being reminded of Tegoshi. Ryo wondered just how long it will take him to be finally able to completely move on, even just to learn how to hide or curb his feelings and still have the courage to face Tegoshi without looking tortured.

His hand stopped from scribbling on the tissue and stared at it. He cursed himself. He had managed to write Tegoshi's name all over unconsciously while his mind was wandering. Exasperatedly, he crumpled the tissue paper, not wanting to look at it any longer and looked up. His eyes grew wide because just then, the door opened and in came someone familiar.

It was Yamapi, and he was holding on to a girl's hand, both looking quite smitten. Ryo quickly hid himself behind the potted plant, making sure Yamapi won't be able to see him sitting there in the smoking area. Ryo watched them order, eyes narrowing when they held hands again and talked, even more when Yamapi leaned forward and kissed the girl.

Ryo couldn't tear his eyes away, couldn't help the way he suddenly felt so mad. He automatically thought of Tegoshi, what he would feel if he saw what Ryo saw, that it would surely hurt him if he found out that Yamapi was cheating on him.

It took all of Ryo's willpower not to stalk over to their table, reach for Yamapi's collar, punch him in the face and demand for an explanation. He never felt so angry before. He couldn't take seeing Tegoshi get hurt again, not after the way Ryo had hurt him before, not when Ryo had gotten this far to see him happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: i decided to not end it just yet because i got carried away again. gomen minna! i promise the next update will be the last :P
will edit next time (i'm kind of in a hurry, hehe)

acck. argh. asdfghjklasdf. grrrrrrrrrr

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 20:01:21 GMT

gaaaah. i've recently been mouse-less (almost a week now). please don't ask me why, it's because of something stupid (hehe). so i've been struggling everyday using just the keyboard and it has made my life much harder. i can't do certain things, keyboard shortcuts cause me to have limited activity, which made me reflect on just how convenient it is to have a mouse/cursor. so expect my next posts to be un-cut. i apologize for the flooding it will cause your friends page beforehand. *bows*

Regrets (4/?)

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 19:36:56 GMT

Ryo woke up from someone banging on his door. He reached for the alarm clock on the side table and squinted. Who the hell dared to disturb his sleep at this hour?

"Ryo-chaaaaaaaaan~ Open the door, you sleepyhead" Ryo could hear Uchi's annoying voice from outside and he groaned, covering himself with a blanket and tried to get back to sleep.

A moment later, Uchi was squishing him down with all his weight. Ryo yelped.

"Aaaaaaargh! What are you doing here, Hiroki?!?" Uchi automatically frowned. He hated being called Hiroki.

Even in his sleepy, irritated state Ryo smirked. He liked teasing Uchi, even when most times it was Uchi who started it. Now his bestfriend was sitting on the edge of his bed, arms crossed and pouting. Ryo almost laughed. He stared at the ceiling, knowing fully well than he'll never get back to sleep, not with Uchi pestering him so early. He poked Uchi's back with his foot.

"What was it that you wanted anyway?"

Uchi turned to him in an instant, facial expressions completely changed from the sullen look he had shortly. He crawled towards Ryo and laid next to his pillow, looking at him like an overexcited child.

"So what happened yesterday?"

"What about yesterday?" Ryo tried to avoid the subject. He really didn't want to touch on that so soon. Wasn't it just last night when he was drinking so he'd forget? He felt like kicking Uchi off the bed.

"You went to Tegoshi's house yesterday"

"I went to Tegoshi's house yesterday" Ryo repeated.

Silence.

"And then?" Uchi pressed on.

"And then...what? What do you want me to say?"

"You're telling me nothing happened?"

"Haaaai~"

"Nothing happened but you drank almost a case of beer?" Uchi noted the beer bottles scattered on the floor.

"Nothing happened" Ryo pretended to do something else so Uchi won't be able to look at his face, or he'll be able to tell Ryo was lying.

"Ehhhhhhhh...after I spent a good hour thinking of that plan..." Uchi mumbled but it was still loud enough for Ryo to hear.

"What?" Ryo searched his drawers for some aspirin. His headache is killing him.

"What what?

"Hiroki, I heard you, you know" Uchi frowned slightly again, and decided to tell Ryo anyways, even when it meant that Ryo would probably kill him. Uchi sat up, and proceeded with caution.

"Ano ne, there wasn't really a package from my grandmother. I just made that up, or you'll never agree on delivering it to Tegoshi." Uchi's eyes grew wide as he watched Ryo stop fumbling and tried to grab something solid to throw at him.

"Aaaaaaaah, don't be mad Ryo-chaaaaaaan!!!" Uchi grabbed the pillow and used it as shield from whatever Ryo will throw his way.

"You know I really did have a good reason why I did it. I wanted to help you!!!"

Ryo was now chasing him across the room.

"When did I ever tell you that I needed your help? And help for what?" Ryo bellowed, nostrils flaring as he scanned the room for more cheap things to throw at Uchi.

"To...to help you with Tegoshi!!!"

"How many times do I have to tell you there's nothing between me and Tegoshi?"

Uchi had stopped running and was now hugging the pillow.

"Ryo-chan, you're hurting me, you know. We've been best friends for years and you still think I don't know you very well"

Uchi was sniffling now, and if Ryo hadn't known better they were fake tears, although it could be possible since Uchi had always been a crybaby. Ryo sighed and sat down too.

"Okay, let's say I do like Tegoshi..." Ryo eyed Uchi as he suddenly wiped his eyes and smiled widely. Uchi was faking it after all.

"Let's say I do like Tegoshi. What difference does it make?"

"It means you love each other!!!" Uchi cut in. Ryo looked at him sharply and he shut his mouth again.

"Even if we feel the same. Then what? I lost my chance a long time ago. All I am entitled to feeling is regret. I shouldn't go and mess things up. I've caused Tegoshi enough pain already. He's happy now. He's got someone who's right for him."

A tear fell even before Ryo could stop himself. It hurts to hear himself say everything that he was thinking. It hurts more now that it was out in the open, now that he had someone who listened. He looked at Uchi and laughed when he saw tears streaming down his face.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaah" Uchi suddenly wailed.

"Oi oi!!!" Ryo laughed as he wiped his own tears with the back of his hand.

"Poor Ryo-chaaaaaaaaaan" Uchi lunged at him and gave him a hug.

"Yaaaaa!!! Get off me!" Ryo laughed as he struggle to free himself. Even when the situation looked ridiculous, he couldn't help but feel better. He was thankful that he had a best friend like Uchi, who despite being such an idiot, Ryo knew would always be there for him.

-----------

"Remember, this never happened." Ryo told Uchi when he went out of the bathroom a moment later, fully clothed.

"Wait!!! What are you going to do about it?"

"What? Weren't you listening earlier? Nothing...that's what I'm gonna do. He has a boyfriend remember? That Yamapi-kun? I should just stay away"

"EHHHHHHHHH" then followed by an "Ohhhhhhhh~"

Ryo turned to Uchi, wondering if his best friend had gone crazy. It seemed so since Uchi had a silly look on his face.

"Oi, what's wrong with you?" Ryo nudged him.

"Huh? Nothing!!! Ryo-chan, let's go eat ramen! It's great for hangover" Uchi beamed at him, totally suspicious.

Ryo was still looking at Uchi as he let himself be dragged to Koyama's Ramen Shop. He sometimes wonders what's going on in his best friend's head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: wow, it's all ryouchi LOL nothing much on this chapter, i know. but i feel like i can finally end it on my next update, yay~ i basically have the ending in mind, i just dunno the in-betweens yet (which one is a better filler, that kind of thing) hehe

Regrets (3/?)

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 06:51:03 GMT

Ryo sighed for the third time as he drove on the freeway. He thought that life was playing a cruel joke on him, as he was now heading to Tokyo to pick something up for his mom. Then Uchi had to butt in and beg him to deliver a package, something Uchi's grandmother, in her drunkenness, forgot to give Tegoshi on her birthday.

"Besides, am I not doing you a favor?" Uchi teased and he narrowly missed the empty beer can Ryo threw at him.

Ryo groaned. Of all the people he didn't want to see, why must he be forced to face Tegoshi again? He hasn't even recovered from his crazy revelation, had barely started coping up with his doomed life. Yes, that's how it feels to keep walking around with a broken heart. He lit a cigarette again. He had meant to quit but from the way things had been happening, he found himself finding comfort in it.

He knew he could've had said no, had done it several times actually, even to Uchi, his best friend. But for some reason he found himself nodding to his dismay. Stupid heart, leaping inside his chest just from the thought of seeing Tegoshi again. He knew he was just going to hurt himself if he keeps on giving in to his desires. But it's as if he has no power against it, it takes almost all his energy to fight it.

Ryo took care of his errand but when it came to going over to Tegoshi's he had suddenly felt hesitant. He stopped by a convenience store and bought a six-pack. What the hell is he doing drinking this early? He felt like he somehow needed to work up the courage for what he's going to do next. He cursed himself, being reduced to a jittery and nervous person which was so unlike him.

"Yosh. The sooner I get this over and done with, the better." Ryo told himself as he started the engine and headed to Tegoshi's.

Ryo looked over the piece of paper Uchi gave him one last time before ringing the doorbell. The door opened and it threw Ryo off to see who the person was. Yamapi. Ryo felt his hands ball up in fists. Yamapi looked mildly surprised as well.

"What, so they're even living together? It's that serious?" Ryo thought he was going blind with rage.

"Ah. Nishikido-kun, right?" Yamapi smiled. Ryo nodded curtly. He was thinking how he wanted to beat Yamapi to a pulp, even though Yamapi looked stronger than him.

"Is Tegoshi there? I have a package for him." Ryo almost laughed at how he sounded like a delivery guy. He really is going crazy.

"I'm afraid he went out...but he's going to be back soon. Why don't you come in and wait for him inside?" Yamapi opened the door to let Ryo in. Ryo shrugged, he might as well.

They sat across each other in the living room, Ryo studying Yamapi. Yamapi was starting to feel uncomfortable because Ryo seemed to be fine not talking. Yamapi cleared his throat.

"Do you want something to drink?" Yamapi made a move to go to the kitchen. He thought he needed one himself.

"Nope. I'm fine." Then it fell silent again, only to be broken by Yamapi's phone ringing.

"Sorry but I have somewhere to go. Will you be okay waiting here by yourself?" Yamapi stood up and wore his jacket.

"Sure." Ryo cursed inside. What happened to his plan of getting out of here as soon as possible? Where the hell is Tegoshi?

Yamapi let out a sigh as soon as he was out the door. That Nishikido-kun is scary. He looked like he's about to murder someone.

Tegoshi arrived home, shocked to find Ryo sleeping on his couch. His heart had started beating uncontrollably. It was getting dark but Tegoshi recognized him anyways. Without making any noise, he sat across Ryo. He never thought he would ever be this close to Ryo again. He watched him, wanting to memorize Ryo's sleeping face. He might never have this chance again.

Then a stupid thought came to him. He recognized it all too well. It reminded him of that time when he thoughtlessly blurted out his confession to Ryo. Now he's feeling it again. He should really stop himself, but he can't, he really can't. He watched in horror as he found himself moving closer to Ryo.

Ryo must be dreaming again. In his dream he was happily holding Tegoshi's hand, and he can hug the boy as much as he wanted. He could even kiss him. Yes, kiss him. Ryo wanted that very much. He smiled. This was a good dream, different from the ones he's been having, of Tegoshi fading away from him and no matter how fast he ran he couldn't reach him.

But he wasn't dreaming after all. He was aware of his surroundings. He was just a bit drunk. And that dream he thought he had was just something his mind had made up, something he wished so much to happen. He was sure he was going crazy. Even the kiss felt so real, he could feel it warm on his lips. Ryo moved his mouth to kiss back only to find it gone all too suddenly. He stirred.

"Tegoshi..." Ryo murmured as if he was still dreaming.

A moment later light flooded the room. Ryo sat up and squinted before opening his eyes, and saw Tegoshi standing near the light switch, cheeks flushed. Ryo stared at him, Tegoshi stared back. Ryo can't remember just how long they've stayed that way. He wanted to tell Tegoshi that it was okay, that he didn't have to worry, that he knew Tegoshi was going out with Yamapi, and that Ryo didn't hold it against him, that it was best if they just forget about it, that it didn't mean anything. But he's finding it hard when he feels a lump in his throat. Still he had to try.

Ryo opened his mouth to speak but then the front door opened. Yamapi was back. The tension broke.

"Tadaima." Yamapi smiled at them, taking note of the awkward atmosphere he walked in on.

"Okaeri!" Tegoshi turned his back on Ryo to greet Yamapi, and it broke Ryo's heart even more. It's amazing how a simple gesture was enough kill someone. Ryo stood up from the couch.

"Jya, I'll be going. Here's the package, Tegoshi-kun." Ryo made sure not to touch Tegoshi's hand or even meet his eyes.

"Won't you stay for dinner? I bought extra, I figured you might still be here." Yamapi asked as he placed take-out boxes on the table.

"Thanks but I really have to head back now."

And Ryo was gone.

"Nishikido-kun..." Tegoshi whispered as he stared at the door. Yamapi stood beside him. Tegoshi turned to him, and cried on his shoulder.

"It's going to be alright, Tegoshi. You'll see, everything will turn out fine."

Tegoshi couldn't see how that's possible, but he nodded. He wanted to believe Yamapi.

-----------------
a/n: waaaaaah~ why is this stretching too long? i thought part 3 would be the last, but then...i fail again! D:

Regrets (2/?)

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 21:35:29 GMT

They took to drinking next. Uchi and Tegoshi's grandmother has a healthy appetite for alcohol and brought bottles of very expensive sake with her. Ryo was not one to back down from a challenge. Uchi didn't drink much. Maybe it had something to do with Saori pinching his side despite smiling sweetly at him. Tegoshi drank a bit, obviously not used to drinking. Yamapi on the other hand cheerily accepted, even offering to drink Tegoshi's share a few times.

A few rounds of sake later, Ryo retreated into a corner. He was feeling a bit light-headed and he still can't seem to stop looking at Tegoshi, the way he laughed, the way he downs his drink and how he would wince and stick his tongue out after, and how red his cheeks got from all the alcohol and the pinches from his grandmother. Mesmerized, Ryo wondered if he was dreaming.

Every so often, Yamapi would put a hand on Tegoshi's shoulder and ask if he was still okay. Ryo would scowl again, each one getting more evident than the previous ones. Ryo thought he had never scowled this much in his life. He wondered if he should have just stayed home just like the other times. Why must he give in to this stubborn feeling of wanting to see Tegoshi? Curiosity should just go to hell. Now he felt like his world just turned upside down, all that just because he saw Tegoshi again. He desperately searched his pockets for a cigarette. He needed one, to calm him down, because the alcohol doesn't seem to be doing the trick.

It was getting dark when Tegoshi and Yamapi finally decided to head back. Ryo was wrapped up in his own thoughts, still making sense out of everything his mind was telling him, things which he refused to accept. Tegoshi abruptly turned to Ryo and said goodbye. Ryo didn't even have time to say something back, but he was very well aware of Tegoshi's hand, it's warmth that lingered even after Tegoshi had gone through the door, and into the car with Yamapi, waving to everyone through the car window and promising to visit again soon.

Tegoshi's smile fell as he settled into his seat beside Yamapi. Yamapi briefly turned to him and back to the road.

"You look tired."

Tegoshi leaned his head against the glass. He did feel so worn out, more emotionally than physically. He smiled bitterly at Yamapi.

"Ne, thanks for coming with me. I didn't know what I would've done if you weren't there. I don't think I would've been that strong." Tegoshi blinked back the tears that threatened.

"You we're great. I think he didn't suspect even a bit. I would've given you an award if I could" Yamapi tried to lighten up the mood.

"Yeah. I fooled him, didn't I?" Tegoshi sighed.

"So that means you're still in love with him, right?"

Tegoshi turned to look outside, into the darkness. Yamapi spoke again.

"Don't worry, Tegoshi. As long as you need me, I'll definitely be here."

Tegoshi was grateful for Yamapi.
------------

Ryo walked home alone, puffing a cigarette, forming smoky circles. He struggled not to sway, from the alcohol and thoughts of Tegoshi swimming in his head. He hated it. He wanted the images out of his mind. He also felt like ripping his heart out from his chest and throwing it down to the ground because right now that heart can't seem to stop from hurting. Nande? Why is he feeling like this all of a sudden?

He was a very stubborn guy, that was a very prominent trait of his. If he would just be honest with himself, he'd know that all this time he had been in love with Tegoshi. He was just always in denial, telling himself that such a thing is impossible, that it isn't something that would happen to someone like him. But he knew, ever since the day Tegoshi confessed to him. Tegoshi's outburst somehow opened Ryo's heart and forced him to confront his own feelings, something he didn't want to do.

"Let's just forget it ne?"

Tegoshi's voice kept ringing through his head. It haunted him. Ryo found himself doing the opposite instead, inspite of himself. It's funny how people do the things they're told not to do. What's the term, reverse psychology. Everywhere he turned, whatever he was doing, he's reminded of Tegoshi. It's really irritating. He didn't want to see that stupid face anymore, and hear that stupid laugh. Still, it went on. He lived his days with this strange ache, this annoying feeling.

Then last week, he was at Uchi's. It was one of those rare days when Uchi wasn't out on a date with Saori. Ever since they started seeing each other, Uchi didn't have that much time to spend with him anymore. Ryo missed hanging out with Uchi and just talk about random things. Uchi was the talkative kind, and it wasn't hard for Ryo to get information from him without him even noticing it, even though lately all Uchi could talk about was "Saori this, Saori that..."

Ryo almost fell from the bed when he heard a name he hasn't heard for a long time.

"What did you say just now?" Ryo sat up. He thought his ears were playing a trick on him.

"What? Oh, I said Tegoshi-kun's coming to my grandmother's birthday next week. I'm excited ne. I haven't seen him for a long time."

"I'll come." Ryo blurted out before he could even think twice.

"EHHHHH? Really?"

Ryo rolled his eyes and laid on Uchi's bed, thinking he must've said that on impulse. Maa, he thought it was a good idea after all. He was tired of being constantly reminded of Tegoshi. Maybe it was from the guilt of treating Tegoshi roughly. He figured he should just go deal with it and apologize or something, even if he thought it was stupid and that Tegoshi had probably forgotten about it. He had made up his mind. He is going to make peace with it. Maybe then Tegoshi's ghost will leave him alone.

But Ryo was wrong. He knew that now, because the strange ache in his heart felt like it had magnified ten times, and he couldn't stop the tears falling from his eyes.

'Two damn years too late' Ryo thought as he laughed at how hopeless his situation is.

He stared at his hand, Tegoshi's warmth still lingers, and he brought it to his chest, clutching at it for dear life. He wondered if too much pain ever made a person crazy. Right now it seems like it's possible.

-----------
a/n: gah, my nose is killing me. this turned out longer than i expected -_-
i wonder if i should let it end like that...or was it too much of a cliffhanger?
will edit after i get some sleep =_=

Regrets (1/?)

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 15:16:57 GMT

Ryo hasn't been sitting on Uchi's couch that long but it seems like he couldn't keep still, checking his watch and fighting the urge to look out the window, telling himself to chill. Uchi, who was reading a manga, eyed him a few times before finally putting it down.

"Cool it down, man. What are you getting so nervous about? It's just my grandmother's birthday. Don't expect any hot girls to be there, well, except for my girlfriend that is " Uchi grinned smugly, stood up and adjusted his collar in front of the mirror while Ryo continued to fidget, picking up a magazine, opening a random page, then discarding it again.

Uchi wondered why Ryo wanted to be there all of a sudden. He never cared about Uchi's family occasions before, and would rather stay home despite Uchi's invitations, but this time Ryo actually told him he would come to his grandmother's birthday. Uchi didn't even need to ask him to come, he invited himself. Uchi never thought Ryo was that fond of his grandmother.

A sound of a car's horn from outside made Ryo jump.

"Ah! That must be Tegoshi-kun. I wonder how he looks now, it's been 2 years since they moved to Tokyo" Uchi peeked from his window and Ryo tried to be calm.

Uchi went down the stairs noisily, followed by Ryo just as the front door opened. In came Tegoshi.

"Tegoshi-kun!!!" Uchi proceeded to give his cousin a hug and a pat on the back.

Ryo stayed behind, looking at everyone. Even though he expected Tegoshi to look different, he still couldn't help but feel surprised at just how he has changed. It almost feels like a different person. Tegoshi had definitely grown up since the last time he saw him. He no longer seems to be wide-eyed and innocent. He has an air of sophistication and confidence around him now, a kind of relaxed disposition.

Ryo snapped out of his trance when Tegoshi turned to him.

"Nishikido-kun? Hisashiburi ne? How have you been?" Tegoshi smiled brightly at him and Ryo could see a trace of the Tegoshi he remembered from way back then. Ryo pat him on the head and mustered a smile. He wondered why he couldn't find his voice all of a sudden. After giving him another smile, Tegoshi had gotten back to the others and Ryo finally noticed that Tegoshi wasn't alone.

Yamashita Tomohisa, that was the guy's name, although Tegoshi kept referring to him as Yamapi. Ryo could tell that they were pretty close, judging from how close they were sitting next to each other on the sofa, and he couldn't help but scowl. He veered his eyes away from the scene only to notice Uchi looking at him strangely.

"What?" Ryo irritatingly asked.

"Ahem. Did I just saw what i think I saw?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Could it be that you like Tegoshi-kun?" Uchi gasped exaggeratedly.

"Baka!"

"Then why are you flustering, hmm? Ne, Te----" Ryo covered his mouth and Uchi struggled to free himself. Everyone turned to see Ryo and Uchi, two grown men tackling each other. Uchi's mother sighed.

"Tsk tsk. Those two never grew up"

Tegoshi watched with envy. As far as he could remember, Uchi and Ryo had been friends. It's a great thing how they still get along so well after all these years. Ryo finally noticed them watching and nudged Uchi, and both bowed.

They moved to the garden, a long table arranged in the middle. The food was great but Ryo didn't get to eat a lot. His eyes kept straying to Tegoshi who was seated a little further, right next to his grandmother, eating so happily. Ryo couldn't help but smile to himself too, but then his eyes would catch Yamapi's image next to Tegoshi and it would turn into a frown.

The doorbell rang and Uchi went to get the door. It was Uchi's girlfriend. Tegoshi was a bit surprised. He didn't know Uchi has a girlfriend. All this time, he thought Uchi and Ryo were...more than friends.

"I'm sorry for being late, but I got you something, obaasan" Saori (that was Uchi's girlfriend's name) gave her present with a small bow.

"Yaaaah! My girlfriend's so nice ne~" Uchi beamed, feeling proud.

"Uchi-kun, you didn't tell me you have a girlfriend" Tegoshi pouted, acting as if he was hurt.

"Gomen ne, Tegoshi" Uchi smiled sheepishly.

"Ah! So you're Tegoshi-kun! I've heard so much about you from Uchi-kun. Uwaaaa~ you really are cute!" Saori smiled.

"Oi oi~" Uchi went over and placed a hand on her shoulder, and faced Tegoshi. "Don't steal her yo~"

"Ehhh? I would never do that!" Tegoshi laughed.

"Sou sou! I'm sure Tegoshi-kun has a pretty girlfriend in Tokyo ne~"

"Not really" Tegoshi smiled awkwardly. The small smile Tegoshi gave Yamapi was almost unnoticeable but Ryo saw it, and it made him angry. He didn't even know why. Could it be that what Uchi said earlier was right?

Ryo thought it was just out of curiosity, him wanting to see Tegoshi again, just wondering how he is, that kind of thing. After all, Tegoshi used to hang out with him and Uchi almost all of the time. Ryo didn't even mind it so much. Ryo found him annoying but he had a charm that makes people naturally like him. It came to the point where Ryo actually enjoyed his company up until that day...the day Tegoshi confessed his feelings to Ryo.

"I like you, Nishikido-kun..." They were in Uchi's living room, watching TV. It would've been just another normal Friday night.

Ryo couldn't believe his ears. He wanted to punch something, anything. Tegoshi was so frank it caught him by surprise. His confession was something Ryo had never expected. Ryo wondered if letting Tegoshi hang out with them was a bad idea after all.

"Why the hell are you suddenly saying this?" Ryo stood up and left. Uchi came back from the kitchen to find Ryo gone.

"Are? Where's Ryo-chan?"

Things were weird around them after that. Ryo stopped hanging out with Uchi whenever Tegoshi was around. Uchi would complain about it and Tegoshi would feel bad. He thinks it's all his fault. So he thought it was best if he stopped hanging out with Uchi so Ryo won't avoid him too.

"Ne, I wonder why Tegoshi-kun stopped hanging out with us" Uchi asked one afternoon. He and Ryo were out in the garden.

"Maa...maybe he found other friends to hang out with. We're pretty boring guys, you know" Ryo flipped through the pages of the magazine, but he did wonder about Tegoshi too. He kind of missed him...Iyaaa, what the hell was he thinking?

"Ryo-chan, what are you doing to my magazine?"

Ryo found Tegoshi on his doorstep three days after. Ryo had to fight the urge to slam the door on his face, not because he was still angry at Tegoshi. Nope, his anger had subsided a few moments after the confession. It was more like he didn't know how to deal with it. Ryo sighed and stepped aside to let Tegoshi in.

"What is it?" Ryo asked as soon as he closed the door. He saw Tegoshi wince.

"I'm sorry for bothering you. I just have one thing to say. I'll make it quick. I promise I'll never bother you again after this" Ryo kept silent so Tegoshi continued.

"About what I said last time. Let's just forget it ne? I'm afraid I wasn't thinking that time and I may have said things that I shouldn't have said. I'm really sorry if it made you uncomfortable. So, please just forget it. Jya, thank you for hearing me out"

Tegoshi bowed one last time and then he was out the door before his tears could start falling. He would never let Ryo see just how much it had hurt, to have his heart broken. He wished that Ryo would truly forget it, for them both, because Tegoshi didn't think he ever can.

A week after that, Ryo heard from Uchi that Tegoshi's family has moved to Tokyo.

---------
a/n: yappari i couldn't make it a one-shot (i fail!!! again!!! D:) and it still needs to be edited...

Eri's Summer

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 10:03:27 GMT

It had been a week since school let out. People were high from thoughts of getaways, vacations, and endless nights of clubbing. Her brother Kei had been bustling around, planning this and that, holding parties in their house or just merely to hang out.

She grumbled in her bed. It's another noisy night. It was a time when she wished their parents lived with them. If Kei wasn't having a party with his friends, her other brother Yuichi would have his friends over, even just to play computer games, and they were a lot noisier.

Why the hell are they always hanging out at our house?

She's not even supposed to complain. It was summer and they're just having fun, a break from all those stressful days at school. It wasn't fair. It was summer and she was feeling bored. She felt bitter at having her friends away. One went to summer camp, and the other visited her grandparents in Australia.

Now what was she supposed to do? She hated going out alone, and she wasn't exactly the most sociable person. She thought about working at a convenience store. Surely not many teenagers would spend their summer vacation working, and she was right. She got hired right away because the store was short on people.

Kei and Yuichi told her it wasn't necessary, for they weren't exactly in need of cash. She shrugged.

"It beats hanging around the house all day," telling them rather too snobbisly before heading out and riding her bike to work.

The doorbells clattered, indicating that someone had entered. She looked up from her manga and opened her mouth to greet the customer.

"Eri-san!" it was Tegoshi, and he was beaming at her. He was one of Kei's friends, a kouhai at school. He had been to their house a couple of times. She guessed they were friends, by association.

"Oh, hello, Tegoshi-kun," she smiled back awkwardly.

"I didn't know you worked here."

"Yeah, well, I was getting bored at home."

"Sou ka."

There was a moment of silence, which he broke by motioning for the grocery basket. She went back to her manga, stealing glances at him every once in a while.

He came back with his grocery basket half full. There were bags of chips, soda, candies.

"Tegoshi-kun, wait up," someone called behind him. They turned and saw Miki walk up to them holding some items in her hand, then dumped them on the basket he was holding.

Oh, so they're together.

Eri shrugged mentally, a little annoyed at herself for feeling bothered. She shrugged mentally again, more forceful this time.

"Thank you, come again," she said her customary line and smiled casually at them while handing them the bag and some change.

"Jya," Tegoshi managed a half-wave before following Miki out the door, bells clanking loudly in their wake.

She peeled another bubblegum stick and went back to her manga. She didn't know why she was feeling cranky the rest of her shift.

----------

It was on the second week when Kei thought it was a great idea to go to the beach. They were in the backyard, eating ice drops while she and Yamapi tried to fit themselves in the hammock that Kei bought at a knick-knack store somewhere in Shibuya.

Yamapi had jumped then, causing the hammock to jiggle, before he finally fell off. He was too ecstatic at the mention of it. She wriggled more comfortably into the hammock now that Yamapi had left. She would finally have the house to herself. Peace and quiet, at last. She smiled.

"Riding the waves, yeah!!!" Yamapi said enthusiastically, then zoning out. He must be imagining it in his head already.

"Barbecue!" quipped Massu.

"Girls in bikinis!" Ryo was getting into it as well.

"---and bonfire!!!" Kei was giggling with excitement.

She was smiling more widely by the second, thinking of all the things she could do in the house. But that was before she heard Kei's next words.

"...Eri, you're coming with us..."

"Hai........EHHHHHHH?" She almost choked on her ice drop.

"Well, you don't have work on weekends, right?"

"Yeah, but I was thinking of staying here."

"What? I am not leaving you home alone."

"Kei-nii, I'm not a little kid, you know," she pouted.

"Well, I am still not leaving you here. You are coming with us. It's time you have some fun too."

"Yeah, it'll be fun," Shige, who was sitting on a folding chair, looked up and spoke for the first time. For a moment, everyone was silent.

"Oi, Shige, I didn't know you were even here," Ryo laughed. He was lying on the grass, head rested on his hands. Shige threw him a bookmark which he caught and started gnawing at the edges and Shige had to get up and rescue it.

"Hey, give it back!"

"It was you who threw it at me."

"Eww, you got spit all over it!"

"Dude, you sound so gay just now."

----------

A few days later, she was in a van that Yamapi and Ryo managed to rent from a friend. It was still too early for her to normally get up, but if she didn't Kei would drag her out anyways. So she stuffed her bag with a few pieces of clothing, and slid her sunglasses.

She sat on the window side, propping up a little pillow she grabbed from the bed and leaned against it. She was planning to sleep on the way. But she doubted she would get that much sleep from the noise everyone was making. The van moved, stopped, more people came in. She sighed, and settled to a more comfortable position.

She woke up to Massu, Yamapi, and Kei singing "Nantoka Naru Sa" off-key version. They haven't even arrived at the beach but these guys sounded drunk already. Across from her Shige was sitting on the window side, listening to his iPod and reading a novel. Tegoshi was sitting at the back with Miki beside him. Eri turned to watch the scenery outside her window, frowning.

The moment they arrived at the beach, practically everyone just ran out of the car except for her, Shige who always took his sweet time, and Ryo who had to park the car. Yamapi brought his surfboard and for an hour everyone fussed and fought over who gets to try it. In the end, they settled in taking turns.

Eri had sighed then. She knew there was another reason why her brother didn't want to leave her at home. She poked the meat a little irritatingly, sizzling on the grill. Why was she stuck with the barbecue? She had to swat Massu a few times from trying to snatch a few kebabs.

"Massu!"

"But I'm hungry!" Massu whined.

"Just wait a little longer, okay?" She swatted his hand again.

He finally went away pouting when she threatened to stab him with a skewer. Miki, who had offered to help her with the barbecue, laughed.

The barbecue was over and everyone had gone back swimming. Eri was contented in staying under the shade of the umbrella and reading her book. She wasn't really fond of the beach. The pool was more her type, or even better, the onsen.

Tegoshi and Miki were looking for shells.

Shells. Eri snorted. Right. She didn't even know why it irritated her to see them together. It's not as if it's any of her business that everywhere Tegoshi went, Miki was almost there too. But Eri couldn't help it.

Why did Miki tag along anyways? She loved to collect shells? What a lame excuse.

Eri watched Tegoshi and Miki walk further away, heads lowered, scanning the shore for more fancy-looking shells. She tore her eyes away from them, now unable to concentrate on the book she was reading.

She figured she might as well get a tan while the sun was still up. Grabbing a towel, she headed out of the shade, took off her shirt to reveal a bikini top and laid on her stomach, her back now fully exposed to the sun.

Ryo walked over a few minutes later and poked her shoulder. She hissed, the spot felt sore.

"What is it, Ryo-kun?" Ryo casually held out a bottle of lotion in front of her face.

"Do you want to get fried?"

Eri smacked herself mentally. How could she forget to put some on? She took the bottle and mumbled her thanks to Ryo, and started applying on her arms, shoulders, and neck. Ryo was still standing beside her.

"Ano...Ryo-kun? Could you help put some on my back? I can't reach a spot."

Tegoshi stopped midway from picking up a shell. He couldn't seem to take his eyes from the scene not far away from where he stood. Ryo was rubbing lotion on Eri's back. Tegoshi felt something bubbling up inside him. Unconsciously, he gripped at the shell a little tighter and willed himself to look away. Miki had strayed away, now examining an aqua-colored shell, oblivious to everything else.

----------

Tegoshi headed back to the table with the excuse that he needed some kind of container he could put the shells in. Eri pretended that she was sleeping but heard the commotion all too clearly. She couldn't understand why her heart was skipping a beat all of a sudden.

The noise stopped and feet padded the sand. She laid still, and she felt like she was slipping into her dreamland when she felt something touch her back. She groggily turned to see Tegoshi's retreating back before her eyes settled on the thing that was now draped over her. She realized later that it was Tegoshi's towel.

That night they build a bonfire, too enthusiastically on Kei's part. Yuichi had arrived with his friends sometime late in the afternoon, and it got rowdier, especially when Jin and Koki started handing out beer cans they had managed to sneak past Jin's old man.

They played silly games. One round involved Kei running from one end of the shore to the other end with only a banana leaf covering his torso. Everyone was laughing their heads off. Ryo had repeatedly called out "Aho!" to him as he passed by.

Then someone started talking about scary stories. Sure enough, everyone started to get fidgety and jumpy. Even the macho guys were silent. She was actually enjoying that part, but it didn't last for long because Jin and Junno both suddenly wailed in unison, asking Koki, who was the storyteller at that time, to stop, because they were almost pissing their pants in fright.

To divert all their attention from all the scare, being the dense guy that he is, Yuichi suggested they talk about their love lives, babbling on about how he's always getting dumped by girls he liked. No one was listening to him because they were eyeing Tegoshi and Miki, who both shifted uncomfortably from where they were sitting.

"Ne, are you guys dating?" someone had asked by then. Tegoshi was quick to say no. Miki's head was lowered.

Eri snorted inwardly. This was something she'd rather not hear. But guys can really be so clueless, she knew that well, having lived with two idiotic brothers. And she was right, because by then, they had started teasing Tegoshi and Miki. Only Kame had the mind to tell them to stop, noticing how both Tegoshi and Miki blushed.

"You know Tegoshi, if you ever needed help in, you know, confessing, you could always ask us, or better yet me." Ryo had walked over and hung his arm around Tegoshi's shoulder, winking. His arrogance is now tenfold, having drank a few cans of beer.

"Right. I'm sure everyone would love to help." Kei added, grinning.

Eri couldn't believe what she was hearing. These guys are such idiots. Why couldn't they leave Tegoshi and Miki alone? Both of them are clearly embarrassed and no one is helping. But what she really couldn't believe was why her heart felt like it was being squeezed tight, almost choking her. She stood up rather abruptly, startling the others and even herself.

"Oi, where are you going?" Yuichi called after her.

"I'm getting a soda," and she ran up to the small cottage fronting the beach. She wanted to cry and she didn't even know why.

It had been a full ten minutes since she got her soda from the vending machine, but she found herself sitting at the bar. She didn't feel like going back. The tv was turned on and it was a travel show, talking about Australia, which reminded her of her best friend, Asami.

I wish you were here, Asami. You'd know what to do.

She desperately needed someone to talk to. She was having all these confusing feelings and she didn't have her friends around. She missed them. This summer is really starting to suck. She emptied her can of soda. Someone had entered the room and sat beside her. She turned and saw Tegoshi.

"Hey, everyone was wondering where you went off to."

"So they sent you to look for me?"

"No."

"I didn't think so, too." she laughed, not meaning to sound just a little bit disappointed. Then a moment of silence.

"I-I figured I'd come look for you."

Eri thought that it was a weird reply coming from Tegoshi. They weren't even friends, not really. Why? She wanted to ask but decided against it. Maybe he's feeling a little drunk and didn't know what he was saying.

She stood up then. She realized she was always edgy around Tegoshi, like she always felt the need to get away from him. Tegoshi followed.

"Ano, Eri-san--" Tegoshi began but Eri cut him off.

"I'm tired. I think I'll go to bed now. Please tell everyone goodnight for me. Jya, oyasumi, Tegoshi-kun."

----------

The next day when Eri sat for breakfast, everyone was acting weird. It felt like they were expecting something to happen and waited in bated breath. She even heard giggling. She shrugged and ate her pancake and egg.

Still it went on until they were in the car. She sat at the same spot, got her little pillow out to prepare to sleep on the way home. She heard whispering, and when she would turn, it would stop.

She woke up a little later, raised her head from leaning on someone's shoulder. It startled her. No one was sitting beside her earlier. When she looked, it was Tegoshi again. It was a little quieter inside now. She looked around. She noticed that half of the people weren't there anymore. She couldn't see Miki either.

"Where's Miki-san?" she managed to ask Tegoshi. Damn, why can't she meet his eyes?

"We dropped her off her block earlier. You were asleep."

The awkward silence fell on them again. She turned and looked out the window. Her heart started to beat a little bit faster. Tegoshi was sitting this close beside her, almost leaning on purpose. That was the best she could do, to look out the window and not deal with him.

Asami, what should I do? she asked desperately in her head, knowing fully well that her best friend won't be able to answer her, unless she was telepathic.

And why does she feel like she was being watched? She was planning to steal a glance but realized it wasn't a good idea, because Tegoshi was staring at her. It stunned her, even more when he leaned over and their lips touched ever so slightly. Eri blinked.

Was that my imagination?

But she knew the answer when everyone suddenly erupted from their seats, hooting and cheering, patting Tegoshi on the back. She still didn't know what was going on.

"Way to go, Tegoshi-kun!" Ryo was hollering from the driver's seat.

"Oi, just remember what we talked about, okay?" Kei raised his fist jokingly.

"Ehhhh?" Eri was still confused.

"Eri-chan, everybody knew Tegoshi wanted to confess to you," Yamapi explained.

"Hai. Last night, but you didn't come back from your soda. We were waiting for soooo long." Kei was exaggerating in the last line, complete with the exaggerated voice and exaggerated facial expression.

"EHHHHH?" Eri felt herself blush.

"Ok, Ok. Let's give them some privacy," Eri heard Shige say, dragging Kei to his seat. Everyone else followed. But Eri knew they were still listening intently.

She turned to Tegoshi who was smiling shyly, but he wasn't looking at her, just took her hand in his, and leaned on her shoulder.

"Sukida," Eri heard him faintly say. She smiled and held his hand tighter. The view from her window is pretty.

----------

That night she got a call from Asami. She talked about how much fun she was having in Australia, and how she wished Eri could've come too.

"So, how was your summer so far?"

"Oh, there's nothing much. I worked at a convenience store. I got a boyfriend--"

"Wait, WHAAAAT?"

Eri grinned. She predicted they were going to be on the phone for a while.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: i haven't seen my brother for more than a month. i miss him T.T
but yay, i'm going to toboso with the 'rents. white sand, clear waters, and i'm gonna see my cousin madia (haven't seen her since christmas) :D
so yeah, i wanted to write tegoshi before i get on vacation-mode...i didn't like how the ending went though >_>

Someday You'll Realize (5/?)

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 17:50:58 GMT

It felt like an eternity. Ayaka staring at Yuya, and Yuya staring back at her. Everything around her faded into the background, like a distant scene. All she was aware of is his eyes, and the shadow of a smile that fleetingly passed his face. Then it broke.

She was back in the living room. Ryo was shaking her arm, asking if she was okay. It felt like she had lost her voice.

"I never thought I'd see you again." Yuya was still looking at her.

"Do you know each other?" Ryo looked at her, then at Yuya. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears.

"N-no...I-I don't think so." Ayaka was quick to reply. She saw Yuya narrow his eyes.

"Maybe I just looked like someone he knew." Ayaka prayed that Yuya wouldn't say anything else. And he didn't.

"Ahhh, sou. Well, shall we go outside? The food's getting cold."

Dinner was awkward, though Ryo and his mom talked through it. Ayaka didn't have much of an appetite, especially since Yuya just kept looking at her. She would avoid his eyes every time and try to join in the conversation. She tried her best to muster up a smile, a laugh, even though she felt like a mess inside. She didn't want Ryo to think that something was wrong.

She excused herself a little while later when Yuya's piercing, almost accusing looks proved too much for her. She hurriedly headed for the bathroom to calm herself down, hoping to clear her thoughts. She let out the sigh she had been holding and slumped to the tiled floor, buried her faced in her hands.

She wished that everything was still a dream she had been having and that when she went back things would be the way she wanted them to be, before Yuya arrived. But she knew that Yuya wasn't likely to vanish into thin air. She pulled at her hair in frustration.

She finally stood up. She didn't want them to wonder why she was taking so long. She splashed water on her face and stared at her reflection, thinking how she never wanted to be in this situation. One last sigh before she opened the door and went out, only to be startled by Yuya's voice from the kitchen.

"Who would've thought I'd meet you again, of all places, here in my house?"

Yuya was leaning on the counter, arms crossed, an eyebrow cocked, looking at her intently. Ayaka suddenly felt her cheeks burn and her heart started racing again.

"I-I really don't know what you're talking about"

Ayaka tried not to sound nervous but failed. She refused to meet his eyes. Yuya snorted then pushed himself from the counter, and strode towards her.

"Still keeping up with the lies, huh?"

Ayaka opened her mouth, and closed it again. She couldn't think of anything to say, not when Yuya was standing so close to her she can feel his breath, and before she could, Yuya spoke again.

"You know..." Ayaka winced because Yuya's lips are almost brushing against her ear.

"...you're a lousy liar." Ayaka felt trapped. Yuya was standing too close.

This must be some kind of harrassment, she thought, and that she could very well scream for help, except that no one would be able to help her, not this time at least. No one must know what happened between them. She resigned herself to the fact that Yuya's appearance would certainly make her life more difficult.

She wanted to push him away, but her hands won't cooperate. She wondered why she felt a kind of familiarity from standing next to him, warm...but it's wrong, she told herself. It's confusing her, caught between surrender and resentment.

They suddenly jerked apart when they heard someone in the hallway. Yuya's mom appeared through the kitchen door, eyed them briefly. Ayaka tried to act as normal as possible, though she can still feel herself blushing.

"Oh, there you are! We've been wondering what happened to you two" Yuya's mom opened the oven door and reached inside.

"Hmm, I was just chatting up oniichan's pretty girlfriend, ne Ayaka-chan?"

Yuya smiled at Ayaka as if nothing happened before. Ayaka wondered how he could act so cool. She looked away and instead averted her attention to help Yuya's mom carry the dessert

"You two get along fine? That's good!" Yuya's mom looked genuinely pleased. Ayaka cringed inwardly. If she only knew...

"Sou da ne~" Yuya's voice was mocking, but only Ayaka knew why. They headed out to the patio. This is going to be a long night, Ayaka thought in despair.

~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: omg, it's been so long since i updated *acck* i miss this fic~

Someday You'll Realize (4/?)

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 10:14:54 GMT

They walked hand in hand from the grocery store. That night they had opted for pasta and Ryo took off from work early so he could go shopping with her. The night breeze was cool and she leaned her head on his shoulder as they turned a corner. They ran into a guy who worked with Ryo.

"Nishikido!"

"Oi, Mayama!"

"I heard from Fujiwara-san that you decided to drop out from all the on location photo shoots."

"Yeah, I did."

"Oh man, I really didn't think you would. You were doing such a great job at it. I heard there's one coming up next week that's going to be big and that boss offered it to you but you turned it down."

"Yeah. Well, I have a lot of work in the studio."

"That's too bad. You would've been the perfect man for it...But I guess that gives the others more chance, ne?"

Mayama had been long gone and they had kept walking to the apartment, but the last sentence rang in Ayaka's head. She looked at Ryo, trying to read his expression. Then he turned to her and smiled.

"Nani?"

She shook her head. But in the end she had to ask. She stopped walking. There were outside the apartment building.

"Ryo..." Ryo had stopped walking as well and turned to face her.

"Hmm?"

"Are you sure you wanted to quit, i mean, your work? You know I would try to be more understanding. I really will--"

"I told you, I already made my decision."

"But...are you really sure? I feel bad. It seems like I'm holding you back--"

"Will you stop it? Stop blaming yourself. I have been thinking about it for a long time now. And it's not just you, it's a lot of things I really thought over. And I'm not gonna go back on my word. I made up my mind, that's that. I hope that this will be the last time we have to talk about it."

Ryo didn't mean to be harsh. But he had to be firm on her about it. That's the only way to address any issue between them. Meet it head on, and then put it past them.

Ayaka knew when to stop. She knew that when Ryo was using that tone on her, it's something with finality. That that will be the last time they'd ever bring it up. So she nodded. She heard everything she needed to hear.

She bit her lip. Somehow she had made him angry again. But Ryo surprised her when he reached for her hand and kissed her on the cheek.

"Now, come on. We still have some cooking to do."

----------

It was Sunday and she usually sleeps in until noon. But her phone was ringing, jerking her awake. She blindly reached for it on her side table.

"Mo....shi moshi~?" She yawned into the receiver.

"Ohayo~" Ryo's voice greeted her. She smiled. It was nice to hear him first thing in the morning.

"Ryo? Why are you calling so early?" She sat up on the bed, stretching her arms.

"Are you going anywhere today?"

"Not really. I was thinking of spending the day at home."

"Well, I think that today's the best day."

"What do you mean?"

"What do you say we go to Osaka to visit my mother?"

"Osaka? To visit your mom?!"

"Hai~"

"Why so sudden? And we haven't talked about meeting each other's parents yet--"

"What's there to talk about? Isn't it normal for a guy to bring his girlfriend home to meet his mom?"

"Yeah, but..."

"You don't want to?"

"No! Of course I do. It's just...what's will all the rush?"

"My brother's coming. You remember I told you about my half-brother, right? The one who lived with his dad for two years. Well, he just arrived in Japan a week ago. I thought that it would be great if you could meet both of them."

"Oh great. Your brother's gonna be there too." Ayaka was now massaging her head.

"Hey, you don't sound happy." She could almost see Ryo pout on the other line.

"No. I am happy. But..."

"But...?"

"Ryo, I'm nervous. What if they don't like me?"

"Don't be silly. Why wouldn't they like you?"

"Well..." Ayaka started but Ryo cut her off.

"It's settled then. I'll come by and pick you up after lunch. I gotta go now. See you later. I love you, bye!" Then the line went dead.

She stared at the phone, frowning. She didn't even have a chance to say no or goodbye. She crawled out of bed to take a shower, then spent an hour trying to decide what to wear.

----------

Ryo whistled at her when she slipped beside him in the car. He had a smirk on his face. She gave him a peck on the cheek but still he didn't start the car. She turned to find him staring at her.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You look so pretty today." He leaned towards her as he said it and she pushed him away, laughing.

She was wearing a dress, something she rarely does, because she hated wearing them.

"I had to. I'm gonna meet your family. I should at least look presentable." She pouted.

"Hmm, maybe we should go to Osaka more." Ryo teased. She glared at him and he laughed as he started the car.

----------

Ryo's mom turned out to be a really nice woman. She had a very kind face and a warm smile. There wasn't any awkwardness at all when Ryo introduced Ayaka to her. She hugged Ayaka, then held her hand.

"Ryo has been talking about you a lot." Ayaka turned to Ryo and he had the decency to look embarrassed.

By the time dinner was ready, Ayaka and Ryo's mom had been getting along very well. She even asked Ayaka to help her in the kitchen while Ryo took out the folding chairs from the garage. It was a beautiful night. The weather was good and stars dotted the sky, so they decided to eat out in the patio.

Ryo and his mom had mentioned his half-brother Yuya--how long it had been since he last came to Japan, missing him, and random stories of their childhood.

'Yuya.' Ayaka wondered why that name sounded familiar, like she had heard of it before. Then it came back to her, the memory of that night.

Juri spoke again when she had stopped kissing her newest guy.

"Oh, I haven't introduced you guys yet. Gomen ne?" She laughed in her drunken way.

"Yuya, this is Ayaka, my best friend. Ayaka, this is Yuya." Juri pointed at them alternately, before she started kissing again.

"Hello, nice to meet you. I'm Yuya." The guy beside her held out his hand. Ayaka looked at it. Actually, she couldn't care less, but she shook it anyway. She didn't want to be rude.

"I'm Ayaka." She said before going back to watch the people dancing and downing her third glass of beer.

Ayaka shook her head. She's annoyed at herself for even bringing back those thoughts. She wanted it wiped out from her mind. But she couldn't deny how her heart started to beat just a tad too fast at the thought of that name. But she reasoned out. There must be a thousand Yuya's out there, ne? It was just unfortunate that Ryo's brother had to share the same name with that guy.

The doorbell rang, snapping her out of her current thoughts. Ryo's mom stood up, quite excitedly.

"Yuya's here." She smiled wide and excused herself to get the door.

Ryo and Ayaka stood up too, ready to meet him. Yuya came into the living room, being dragged by the arm by his mom. The moment Ayaka saw his face, her breath got caught in her throat. She froze.

Yuya was staring back at her. She recognized that face. It was the face she had been wanting to forget, the face she wished she would never see again.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Someday You'll Realize (3/?)

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 15:46:22 GMT

She came home later than usual. Her boss called for an emergency meeting just when she was about to leave. Her plans of cooking dinner ended up with chinese take-out in the conference room instead. She walked slowly to her apartment.

She didn't like being alone. She missed Ryo terribly and she was constantly plagued with the secret she needed to hide. The past days, she felt so miserable. She was thankful that she had work to take her mind off things, even for just a while. But walking home like this, everything comes back rushing to her.

She went inside her apartment, only to find Ryo in the kitchen. She felt mixed emotions--happy that Ryo was there, but guilty as well. Ryo turned to her then.

"Okaeri." He was wearing her apron. She dropped her bag and ran to him, almost knocking him over, burying her head in his chest. He laughed.

"Hey." He wrapped his arms around her. She felt like crying. She really really missed him. A few days apart from him felt like years. She was glad to be holding him this way. He was real, she could feel him. She sniffled.

"Is everything okay?" He pulled away from her and looked into her eyes. She couldn't meet them. It was the guilt.

"I'm just happy you're back, that's all." She hugged him again. She could just stay like this. She never wanted to let go. It was a desperate and helpless feeling.

"I'm happy too. The whole time I was away, I was worried about you. I couldn't concentrate on my work. I kept on messing up. I think I should stop going away so often. I'd let the others handle it. I have a lot of work in the studio anyways. And that way, I won't have to leave you anymore, ne?"

Hearing what he was saying, Ayaka started tearing up. She didn't deserve this from Ryo. Ryo didn't deserve this from her. She wished she could just erase what she did. She wished it was that easy. Ryo looked at her worriedly.

"Is there something wrong?" She shook her head. She mustn't tell him. He mustn't find out.

"I'm sorry for picking a fight. I'm sorry for being jealous--"

"Shhh." Ryo hushed her then, cradling her in his arms.

"Let's just forget it, okay? Come on, i cooked something special."

Ryo dragged her to the kitchen. She smiled for the first time. They ate heartily and even drank wine he had brought from his trip.

That night they slept cuddled against each other. She slept fitfully for the first time in days. Ryo's warmth next to her had a soothing effect. She wished that moment would never end.

Someday You'll Realize (2/?)

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 13:32:45 GMT

No one was to blame. It was her fault of course. Picking a fight with her boyfriend over something so baseless. That was how it always went. She always started it. And every single time, she knew she was being unreasonable.

Ryo was packing up for another photo shoot on location that night. He had a late flight. But she was being her moody self again, and Ryo was too tired of having to keep reassuring her.

"I told you I'm not gonna look at other girls."

"How could you not? You're going to a remote place god knows how far with pretty models."

"Well, that's my job. To take pictures of them."

"You know that's not what i meant."

And it just went downhill from there. Ryo was still stressed from his last photo shoot, it being a big budgeted project, and they had to redo it a lot of times to suit the client. Naturally, he had been hanging out with the models quite a lot. There was one particular girl who was unusually close to him, and when Ayaka saw that one time she visited the studio, she left without saying goodbye. That night, they fought about it over dinner.

Ryo knew he had a jealous girlfriend. And he tried hard to be understanding. He also never gave her a reason to doubt it. Okay, he was a player before they met, but he changed when they started going out. But still she was suspicious. Old habits die hard, she said. And he couldn't refute that. Of course it was hard, but he was trying his best.

Still their conversation was going nowhere. And he had to leave for his flight.

"Look, you have nothing to worry about." He reached for her arm but she yanked it away. He reached for it again, pulling her into a hug.

"I love you. You know that. I won't do anything to hurt you." He said as he kissed her hair.

Still, she was stiff against him. He held her face in both his hands and stared at her.

"Trust me, okay?" He kissed her on the lips before picking up his bags and heading out the door.

She watched him disappear, and sank into the sofa. It's not that she didn't trust him. He had proven his loyalty time and time again. It was those damn models who were always surrounding him that she didn't trust. She knows how scheming and devious people can get when they want something. And Ryo, he was still a guy.

She just wished he'd stop going to far locations too much since he has his own studio. But she knew that Ryo was gaining a lot of experience and professional growth from all of it. It would be too selfish of her to demand him to stop just so she could be happy.

She had been sitting for an hour, trying to think of better things to do but her thoughts were with Ryo. Her phone rang.

"Hey, I'm going out tonight. Wanna come with me?" It was her best friend, Juri.

Ayaka pushed into the crowd. The music was causing the whole place to pound to the beat. The air was heavy with smoke and colorful lights, bodies on the dance floor, moving in unison. She spotted Juri waving at her at the corner booth. Ayaka frowned. She should've known Juri wouldn't be alone. She was a liberated girl after all. Who was it this time? Ayaka lost track of her best friend's flings.

Juri motioned for her to sit. There was one more guy sitting. Ayaka sighed and sat beside him. In front of her Juri had started making out with the guy she was with. Ayaka wondered how they became friends when their personalities were the extreme opposites.

All she wanted was a drink, to take her mind off Ryo. So she did, drink and drink and drink. Erasing her paranoia, those scenes her mind was making, of Ryo sleeping with other women. It hurts just thinking about it. It was driving her crazy. But slowly, she was feeling numb. The alcohol was doing a good job at making her forget. Soon she was lightheaded, unable to think of anything. Then everything went dark. She woke up and she was in that hotel room.

----------

Three days had passed but she still found herself worrying over what happened. She had been spacing out for a few minutes and the sound of her officemate brought her back to reality.

"Ayaka-san, here are the documents boss needs for tomorrow's meeting."

"Ah, hai. Thanks for your hard work." She took the papers and inspected it for errors before taking out the folders.

She sighed. She had been too distracted at work lately. She hated it. If there was one thing she prided herself in, it was her ability to concentrate on her work, too much that she felt like she detaches the personal side of herself as soon as she steps inside the office. But lately, she couldn't do it. She was too worried. She's been getting jumpy, in constant fear that that guy would suddenly come up to her out of nowhere.

She knew she was being silly. What were the chances of ever seeing him again? She prayed that that day would never come, wanted so much to forget everything---that room, his arm around her waist, his face. But she couldn't. Like a recurring nightmare, it haunted her.

Whether she liked it or not, the fact still remains. She had cheated on Ryo. She laughed at the irony of it all. There she was getting jealous of everyone surrounding him, and she ended up to be the one who'd betray his trust. She tried to justify herself. It was an accident. She didn't even remember anything!

She is going to keep it a secret. She didn't want their relationship to end. She loves Ryo too much. She didn't want to lose him. Yes, she was selfish like that. Now, more than ever, she won't let Ryo go.

Someday You'll Realize (1/?)

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 19:25:51 GMT

Consciousness hit her, but she didn't open her eyes just yet. All her other senses were starting to come back, and she could feel a massive headache in progress. She cringed and grabbed at the side of her head but felt that the muscles of her body were screaming in pain as well. It was like she had run a mile or underwent extensive military training. She moved very slowly not wanting to make the headache worse, lying on the bed, eyes still closed. She felt sore, but she couldn't pinpoint just where exactly.

She slowly opened her eyes, squinting at first. Good thing the curtains were drawn and the room was semi-dark, she didn't have to adjust much. Lying on her side, she tried to think about what happened last night but could only remember as far back as the time she went into the club to get a drink. After that, everything was a blur.

She moved again, facing the ceiling, blinking the sleep from her eyes. And then, for the first time she felt that she was naked under the covers from the way the blanket brushed against her bare skin. Are?

To her horror, an arm suddenly appeared from behind her, enveloping her into a hug. No sound came from her mouth as she turned to look at the person who was lying beside her. A total stranger, who was just as naked as she is under the covers. He was sleeping so peacefully, with his arm still wrapped around her. A million thoughts were running in her head.

How did she get here? What happened? Why was she in bed with a guy she didn't know?

She grabbed her head again, the headache came back with a blow. Damn hangover. Why the hell did she drink a lot? She looked around. She was in a hotel room. Her eyes fell on the floor, clothes strewn all over. She didn't want to believe what her mind was telling her. Surely there was another explanation.

She tried to free herself from the guy's grip, removing his arm from her as carefully as possible. She moved to a sitting position and felt it. The sharp pain in between her legs. She looked and her eyes widened as saw the telltale red spot on the mattress. No, she still refused to believe it, even after what she saw. Tears were threateningly very close. But first she had to get away from here, away from this room, away from him.

She dressed quickly and silently, careful not to wake him up. She took one last glance at him before she left. Whoever he is, she hoped she never sees him again.

~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: uwah~ another het fic. originally a private project, brought about by my conversations with vie-chan :P

Coffee Thief

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 04:11:15 GMT

She was sitting on the bench near the window, pulling her sweater more tightly against her body with her right hand, the other hand enclosed around a cup of coffee. She leaned against the window. It was raining again. The view of the garden outside was a blur through the glass.

She took a sip from her cup before placing it on a nearby table. Opening a book she bought a few days ago, she started to read. She heard someone enter the room but she didn't stir. It could be just one of the people she shared the apartment with, a house mate. She heard that someone drop down the easy chair. Still she didn't bother looking.

This is a really good book, she thought as she reached for her coffee cup only to find out it had disappeared from the spot where she left it. She looked around.

"Hey!" she shouted at the guy sitting across her, now sipping from her cup.

"Mmm, delicious. Just right for my taste." Ryo commented as he drained the contents of the cup while she stared at him with disbelieving eyes.

"Maybe I should let you make my coffee from now on." He placed her coffee cup back to that spot on the table before standing up to leave, stretching his arms on his way out.

----------

It happened again. It was a Saturday. She woke up and showered. Today she was going to the gym. She made breakfast in the kitchen, humming a tune with the earphones on her ears. With the bacon and eggs on one plate, toasted bread on the other, she turned her back from the table to fetch herself some coffee.

A particularly good song just started playing, and it took her a little longer to get done with her coffee. When she turned around, she found him wolfing down her breakfast! HER breakfast!

"What do you think you're doing?" She hurried to the table, hoping to salvage any bacon and egg for herself.

"Ah! Thank you so much!" he said then snatched the coffee cup from her hand and took one gulp from it, gave it back to her before grabbing his bag and left. Just like that, he was gone.

"The nerve of that guy." She turned to the table, frowning at what seemed to be the remnants of her supposedly hearty breakfast. She picked up one piece of bread and chewed at it with annoyance, her mind still on the person who robbed her of her breakfast. Now it was too late to make another one. She frowned and sipped her coffee, but sputtered it back when she realized that he drank from it earlier.

----------

And it happened again. She got home after a day out shopping with friends. She plopped down the sofa in the common room, wanting to watch the dvd she bought earlier. She heard someone come down from the stairs then dropped down beside her. It was him again. He fiddled with the remote, settling down on a sports channel.

"Hey. I wanted to watch a movie!" Just because he was the landlord's nephew, doesn't mean he can do things as he pleases. She was a paying tenant, after all. She was ready to meet his glare if it would come to that. But he was calm, which was unusual. He would normally give people a hard time before he gave them what they wanted. That's why in her case, it was always best not to argue and just stay out of his way. Breathing in and out, and counting to ten always worked for her. But tonight, she wasn't in the mood to let him play his game.

"Fine. I'll let you watch your stupid movie...if you make me coffee first." He was mocking her. She glared at him. Who does he think he is ordering people around? But she stood up and stormed into the kitchen. Well, she wanted one anyways so she might as well...breathe in, breathe out, count to ten.

She placed the cups on the table, one in front of him and then her cup at the other end. She got back to her seat, the movie was starting, unmindful of the annoying presence beside her. She was not going to let him ruin her night. She loves watching horror flicks. She wasn't really into romantic cheesy films. She loves movies that would make her heart race in suspense. It's like a cardiovascular workout.

At the corner of her eye, there was a movement. She turned just in time to see him drinking from her cup again. That distracted her from the movie.

"Wait! Just wait. That's my coffee!!! That cup over there, that's yours. I thought that was clear when i placed it in front of you. The one you're holding, that's mine." She frowned. He's really asking for trouble.

"Well, I like drinking from your cup."

"What is it, really? If you wanted to make me angry, fine, you win. I am angry, annoyed. I wanna wring your neck. I wanna punch you in the face real hard. I wanna kick your shins. I wanna..." She stopped because he started laughing at her.

"What the hell is so funny?"

"You. You're funny when you're mad."

She gave up, dropped back down the couch and continued watching the movie, arms crossed over her chest, totally ignoring him. It's just coffee, let it go, she told herself. Breathe in, breathe out, count to ten. Then he spoke.

"I like drinking your coffee." She pretended not to hear. Guess I should thank you then, for appreciating, she thought rolling her eyes. But still she kept them directed on the tv screen.

"I like drinking your coffee." He repeated, this time louder.

"I heard you the first time. Let's just forget it." There's no use talking to you. She decided to ignore him after that. It just takes a lot of her energy trying to deal with someone as incorrigible as he is. Still he spoke, much to her dismay.

"I like it...."

Is he going to say the same thing all over again? She wondered if she should just go up to her room now. The guy's not making any sense.

"...indirect kiss."

"What?" She looked up. He moved closer.

"Indirect kiss, you know. It's almost like kissing you." She was way too distracted now.

----------

The next morning, she was in the kitchen drinking coffee. Two other female tenants who were just around her age were having their coffee too. He came in and said good morning. The others greeted him back while she was bent over the same book she was reading a few days ago. Then he reached for her coffee cup and drank from it, as if it's the most natural thing in the world.

"Hey, that's her coffee!" The girl across from her said to him. He was now leaning on the sink just behind her.

"Ne, aren't you going to say something?" The other girl asked her then.

"Hmm, it's fine. I don't mind." She shrugged and smiled secretly.

~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: this fic is for vie-chan, who loves ryo with all her heart, and is always nice to share him with me (maybe bcoz i share yuya with her too) XD and for always telling me to keep writing :)

vie-chan!!! *hugs*

Five Years Ago, On Valentine's Day

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 14:24:07 GMT

Tegoshi wondered why at 18 he couldn't manage to have one successful date. He had been quite anxious since all his friends have been dating, and even going as far as moments spent on love hotels. He was a curious being, and surely he wanted to know what it's like. So not long ago, he started going out, hoping that he'd eventually end up doing it. But what he couldn't understand was why after a month of going at it, he's still a virgin.

Every single date he's had all ended up not in his favor. The other party would either have something important come up, or back out the last minute, or flat out tell him that it wasn't going anywhere. So there he was at a restaurant after yet another failed date, pouting on his drink as he waited for his best friend to show up.

"Tell me, am I cursed or something?" Tegoshi lamented as Shige slid on the seat across from him.

"I don't think you're cursed, Yuya. Just unlucky, that's all." Tegoshi frowned, sipped his soda.

"If I wasn't, then why do my dates always end up like this? Don't you think it's kind of weird?"

"No, I don't. You know I don't believe in curses and stuff like that. Maybe you should just stop trying so hard. Then it might just come to you."

"Dame! If I wait I'll be a prune. I'm 18. I want to experience things. And why aren't you even concerned about this?"

"I'm perfectly fine with the way things are in my life." Shige took a book out of his bag.

"Boo~ You're always so serious. Don't tell me you don't like anyone at school."

"Exactly." Shige said flatly.

"Hmmm, so you don't like that Eri-san from class 3-A?" Tegoshi poked Shige with a finger and the latter dodged it the second time around.

"I'm not interested in anything but my studies, and getting into a good college. And you should too, instead of concerning yourself with useless things."

"This isn't useless! It's youth! Our youth! And we're not enjoying it when we should!"

"And we'd only get that from getting laid? No, thank you. My youth is fine."

"You're no fun, Shige"

As expected, Shige ended up cheering his best friend up. He allowed himself to get dragged into the arcade and play for hours, and then karaoke, until he had to leave for his part-time job. He does this not only because he felt bad for Yuya, but also because he felt guilty. All those thwarted dates, they were more than coincidences. He had a hand in it. Not that he really wanted to. If only he didn't let himself be persuaded so easily by his brother. On the other hand, it was for a good reason. He only wanted Yuya's happiness in the end. He promised his brother. And he is going to keep it no matter what.

----------

When Tegoshi was 7, his family moved to a new neighborhood because of his father's reassignment. There were many houses. The school was just a few blocks away. There was even a park right in front of their own house. The first time they arrived, he ran out to play. There weren't many kids there but there were two boys playing, one hanging on the monkey bars, the other on the slide. Tegoshi sat on the swing, and when the smaller boy spotted him, he ran towards him.

"Hello! What's your name?"

"Yuya." Tegoshi mumbled.

"Domo! I'm Shigeaki. That's my oniichan." Pointing at the boy who was walking towards them.

"Hello. I'm Ryo."

Ever since that day, Tegoshi could be found hanging out at the Nishikido household. Shige and Ryo's parents found him very cute and were happy that Tegoshi was the same age as Shige. Tegoshi's parents thought it was good that Tegoshi was finally breaking out of his shell. He was a bit of a loner in their old neighborhood.

Tegoshi clung to Shige and Ryo, always amazed at everything they did. He felt like he suddenly had brothers, and would spend almost all his free time at the house next door. His mom had to come over to get him when it got late. Most of the time, he'd be unwilling to go home, and would even throw tantrums, but would be pacified when Shige and Ryo would promise to play with him again. He was a spoiled kid, maybe it was because he was an only child.

As usual, when Tegoshi came home after school he immediately went over to the house next door. He sat next to Shige on the floor in the living room and started playing. Ryo arrived home and proceeded to the kitchen, where he emptied his bag of boxes, fancy wrapping paper, and ribbons. All that sound piqued Tegoshi's interest and went to the kitchen.

"Sugoi~~~" He blurted out as he saw before him a pile of different kinds of chocolates. There was still more in Ryo's bag.

"Ryo-chan! That's a lot of chocolate!" Tegoshi looked thoroughly impressed. His eyes were as big as saucers. He sat on one of the chairs and started inspecting the chocolate boxes.

"If you want you can take as many as you like."

"Really?" Tegoshi started peeling one chocolate bar and nibbled at it.

"Aren't you going to eat them?"

"Iie. I don't like sweets. I just brought them for mom. She might find them useful."

"Uwah, Ryo-chan's that person, ne." Tegoshi meant 'practical' but he's too young to have come up with that word.

"I wonder why girls like to give chocolates..." Tegoshi was still munching on the chocolate bar.

"Hmm, it's their way of showing someone that they like them." Ryo had gathered all the chocolates into a woven basket and placed them on the countertop. He took out a can of soda from the fridge.

"Sou ka? That means many girls like Ryo-chan, ne?" Ryo turned to look at Tegoshi and almost laughed. Tegoshi's cheek was smeared with chocolate.

----------

The next year on Valentine's Day, Tegoshi went straight from school to the house next door. He had something important to do. He grasped tightly at the paper bag he was holding. He saw Ryo sitting on the couch reading a magazine about cars, walked straight to him and held out both his hands.

"Ryo-chan, daisuki!!!" Ryo sat there frozen, all eyes were on them. The awkward silence was broken by the sound of his parents laughing and making a fuss over Tegoshi.

"Isn't he the cutest thing, Ryo-chan?" Ryo was feeling weird, eyeing Tegoshi who was now being pinched on the cheeks by his mother. Shige bounced down the stairs. When Tegoshi saw him, he stood up and...

"Shige, daisuki!!!" Tegoshi fumbled in his bag and held out a similar-looking paper bag. The whole household erupted in laughter. Apparently, Tegoshi had given everyone chocolates.

"Minna, daisuki!!!" Tegoshi shouted again for the nth time. Ryo's parents had invited Tegoshi's parents for a small dinner, talking about Tegoshi and his chocolates.

The next year on Valentine's day, Tegoshi who was now in middle school, walked with a determined face. He knew exactly where he wanted to go. He could see the school gates, high school students pouring out. He waited for that certain someone to appear. There he is! He grasped the colorfully-wrapped chocolate in his hand and waved.

"Ryo-chan!" Ryo spotted him, excused himself from his friends and ran up to him.

"Tegoshi? What's up? Why are you here?"

"I just wanted to give you this." Ryo looked at it, realization dawned on him and smiled. He took it from Tegoshi's hand.

"Ahhh, this year as well? What did you get Shige? And my parents?"

"Ano...I didn't get them anything..." Tegoshi looked down.

"Ehhh...dou---"

"It's because I like Ryo-chan."

"Wa...ka...tta." Ryo slowly nodded his head.

"No, you don't."

"..............."

"Ryo-chan, daisuki. I really do."

----------

It was as if nothing happened. Tegoshi still came over the house to hang-out with Shige and Ryo, but it had somehow become awkward between him and Ryo, especially when they're left alone. Tegoshi never acted embarrassed though. He would still talk to Ryo as if that confession was just an illusion Ryo's mind had made up. Ryo guessed it was better that way. Tegoshi clearly didn't look like he wanted to talk about it anyways. Ryo was relieved that he doesn't have to deal with it. Tegoshi had started dating girls in school, going to amusement parks and arcades, talking to Shige about the thrill of holding hands and kissing. Ryo assumed that Tegoshi had forgotten about his confession and finally realized that he liked girls after all. Ryo was happy. At least that was what he wanted to believe.

Ryo graduated from high school and got accepted at a university in Tokyo. The day before Ryo left, he asked Tegoshi out for ice cream. It was noon and they found the park deserted at that time. They sat in the swings and ate their ice cream in haste because it was melting fast under the hot sun. Then there was nothing to do. The swings creak. Ryo looked like he wanted to say something. More minutes passed. Children started coming out of their houses from their naps to play. Ryo stood up and offered to walk Tegoshi home (which was really just across the street). They reached the doorstep. Tegoshi thanked Ryo for the ice cream, and wished him well for his trip and his whole new life in Tokyo. Just as Tegoshi was turning around, Ryo reached for his hand and pulled him into a hug. It surprised Tegoshi but he didn't pull away.

"Wait for my answer, ne?" Ryo whispered before letting go. Tegoshi wasn't exactly sure what Ryo was talking about but he nodded anyway. The next day, Ryo left for Tokyo. Everyone came to the train station to see him off. Everyone but Tegoshi who was out on a date. Before boarding, Ryo pulled his brother aside to ask a favor, a big favor. Shige had no choice but to say yes. Ryo was his brother. And he never saw Ryo look this serious about anything before.

----------

Tegoshi's newest date is the worst, Shige was convinced of that. After having exerted all his efforts to make the guy give up on the date, Akanishi just laughed at him as if he was the biggest comedian in all of Japan. It was still early in the day but his breath smelled of alcohol, and he was eternally chewing gum. Shige actually thought this would be a piece of cake, one that would only take him a few seconds, then he can happily go back to the library and study. But this guy turned out to be a devil. Every attempt was rejected. His bribes weren't working for the first time. And his mental manipulation didn't do the trick either. Shige finally slumped on the table, defeated. Akanishi even had the nerve to offer him a drink before he left for his date with Tegoshi. Shige mails Ryo.

Onii-chan, gomen. I did everything. But I think that this time Tegoshi will finally do it.

Shige sighed as he pressed the send button. He may have given up, but he continued to spy on Tegoshi and Akanishi. Shige almost jumped from his hide-out when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

"Where are they?" It was Ryo.

"Onii-chan?"

"Where are they?" Ryo growled this time.

"Ano...i'm outside the love hotel. I just saw Tegoshi and Akanishi go in--"

"AKANISHI?!" Ryo practically screamed at Shige over the phone before the line went dead.

Ryo cursed under his breath. He drove at top speed, cutting off cars and blasting his horn at pedestrians, their curses fell on deaf ears. Ryo wasn't thinking straight right now. All he knew was he had to get to Tegoshi before anything could happen to him and that jerk Bakanishi. Shige's eyes grew wide when he heard screeching tires and Ryo getting out of the car and storming in the love hotel. Ryo almost made a scene when the receptionist refused to give out the room number he wanted. He almost broke the door down, causing Jin (who was only wrapped in a bathrobe) to saunter and open the door, ready to tell off whoever it was that dared disturb him and Tegoshi, only to be met by Ryo's fist. Jin let out a wail and slumped on the floor.

"Jin-kun?" Ryo heard Tegoshi call from inside the room. Ryo barged in, stepping over Jin who was still on the floor. Tegoshi was taken aback when he saw Ryo. "Ryo-chan?"

Ryo was relieved to see that Tegoshi was still in his own clothes. But Ryo was still mad.

"Why are you here?" Tegoshi asked before Ryo pulled him by the arm, not letting go until they were in Ryo's car.

Shige saw Ryo and Tegoshi exit the love hotel, get in the car, and drive off.

"Gambatte, onii-chan" Shige said silently as he walked off and dialed Koyama's number. He was hungry all of a sudden.

----------

Ryo and Tegoshi sat side by side inside an empty parking lot. The car windows were pulled up and the doors were locked, Ryo made sure of that. Neither of them spoke. Ryo was trying to steady his breathing. Tegoshi's pout was getting more obvious by the minute. Now that he wasn't being pulled, shoved, and harrassed, he felt indignant. He was starting to boil up when he realized that his date was ruined yet again. Even though at the back of his mind, he really felt happy to see Ryo after a very long time. Even so, Ryo still didn't have a right to just pluck him out in the middle of his date, deshou?

"Doushite?" It was Tegoshi who spoke first. And judging by the tone of his voice, Ryo can tell he was angry. Tegoshi turned to him looking annoyed, and at the same time on the verge of tears. Tegoshi couldn't understand why it keeps happening to him. And tonight he came so close. But Ryo just had to butt in. Tegoshi was really frustrated. Nande?!

"Nande?!" Tegoshi now had tears trailing down his cheeks. "Why can't I have what I want?"

"I told you to wait for me, didn't I?"

"What the hell are you talking about, Ryo?"

"That day before I left for Tokyo, I told you to wait." It took Tegoshi a while until he finally remembered.

"Ehhh? I didn't even know what you were talking about!"

"Yuya~~~" Ryo held Tegoshi's shoulders and shook him. He really didn't have patience for these things. "I told you to wait for my answer!!!"

"Answer to what?!" Tegoshi was really clueless and a bit irritated. He didn't know what Ryo was talking about and he wished Ryo would just say it.

"Five years ago, Valentine's Day." Tegoshi still couldn't comprehend so Ryo just gave up trying to make him remember. "Five years ago, on Valentine's Day, you told me you like me."

Tegoshi's eyes grew wide, then his eyes suddenly found the carpet interesting.

"Ehhh. I've forgotten about it yo."

"No, you haven't"

"I have! Really!" Tegoshi sounded too eager. Ryo fell silent

"So you don't like me anymore?" Ryo was tapping the steering wheel. Tegoshi knew Ryo was staring at him, could almost feel his eyes burning holes in his skin. He couldn't take the tension. He unconsciously found his hands trying to open the door.

"Ehhh? Locked?!" Tegoshi sounded panicked. He heard Ryo chuckle. Then the click of seatbelt buckle. He could feel Ryo moving closer.

"Ne, since you want it so badly, why not do it with me? Here in the car."

Ryo had an evil smirk on his face. Tegoshi looked scandalized. He kept on pressing himself against the car window in an attempt to get away from Ryo. Ryo was stronger than him and before Tegoshi knew it, he was lying on his reclined car seat, Ryo was kissing him. Tegoshi knew he should stop. On the other hand he wanted this. He could so easily be lost in the sensation. But he couldn't do it after all. This was Ryo, he wasn't just anyone. This was someone he loved. But then isn't it better that he loved Ryo?

"I love you." It slipped from Tegoshi's tongue and Ryo stopped kissing him. He looked at Tegoshi, lips still parted and eyes closed, breathing heavily.

"What did you just say? Tegoshi opened his eyes, dazed.

"What?"

"Just now. Yow said you love me." Ryo sat up.

"I did?" Tegoshi didn't realize it, but the blush started creeping up to his cheeks. He tried to avoid Ryo's eyes. Ryo's smile grew wider.

"Dakara, since we're clear on that, why don't you wait a little longer?" Ryo put his seatbelt on and started the engine.

"I don't think I understand." Tegoshi had sat up as well. Ryo took his chin between his fingers and looked into his eyes.

"When you turn 20, Yuya, I'll come to you. Until then, don't come looking for it." Ryo said before kissing him soundly.

"Ryo-chan, you're a tease." Tegoshi pouted. Ryo laughed and kissed him more.

"Jya, I'll wait if you buy me ice cream for now."

----------

Yuya collapsed on his bed. His exams were finally over. He had been studying like mad the past days and now it was finally over. All he wanted now was to sleep and sleep and sleep, and not get up for the next few days. He didn't know how long he was sleeping. He woke up at some point to turn off his alarm. His parents knew better than to get him to wake up. He slept more, burrowed into the covers. Then he felt something heavy on him, and his ears getting tickled.

"Nggggg" He made an attempt to stop whatever it was that was disturbing his sleep. But then someone spoke.

"Wake up, sleepyhead." It was Ryo. But Tegoshi must be dreaming. Why would Ryo be here? in his house? on his bed? Tegoshi opened an eye. Ryo's face was so close to his. Tegoshi blinked. It really was Ryo! Tegoshi let out a startled cry.

"Ryo-chan?! What are you doing here?

"Birthday boy, what are you still doing in bed?" Ryo was now pulling him up but Tegoshi wanted to go back to sleep.

"No no no. You are going to get your butt out of bed. Take a shower. We are going out." Tegoshi grumbled but allowed himself to get ordered around by Ryo. He sighed. Might as well do as he was told. The possibility of going back to sleep is now absolutely zero. Ryo can really be persistent.

Tegoshi went down to the living room and saw Ryo talking to his parents. When he saw Tegoshi, he stood up. He took Tegoshi's hand.

"Jya, we're leaving" Ryo waved at Tegoshi's parents and dragged Tegoshi to the door.

"Ehhh?" Tegoshi looked at his mom with questioning eyes. She winked at him.

"Ryo-kun, we leave Yuya to you. Have fun!" Tegoshi heard his mother.

----------

"How come you're here? Don't you have work?" Tegoshi asked as they waited for their order. Ryo had taken him to his favorite restaurant.

"I had someone cover for me while I take a few days off. You didn't really think I forgot what I said two years ago, did you?"

There was that evil smirk again. Tegoshi was thankful that their order came. He didn't know what to tell Ryo in return. Now that it might actually happen, he was feeling shy for some reason. They had been going out for two years and he was happy at where their relationship was at the moment.

After that time in Ryo's car, Tegoshi never did wonder about it again. He charged it to being carefree and being 18. Now he felt more comfortable, more at peace, more mature. He thought about more important things like doing good in school and getting a good job in the future. In fact whenever the topic came up, he was a bit embarrassed. Shige and Koyama had been together for a year and Tegoshi was shocked that Shige beat him to it. Shige, who once adviced him against it. Tegoshi had laughed then, and shrugged. I guess that's what love does. It changes people.

Next was karaoke. Tegoshi thought it was weird, he never saw Ryo as the karaoke-ing type of guy, but found it sweet that Ryo was doing things he loved. Then it was the cinema, Ryo wanted to watch a suspense/thriller film but Tegoshi wanted to watch a romantic flick. In the middle of the movie, Ryo turned to see Tegoshi sniffling. Ryo couldn't help but smile, pulled Tegoshi closer to kiss him on the temple.

Then it had come to this. They were walking hand in hand, stopping in front of a love hotel. Tegoshi hesitated for a moment, but let himself be pulled in by Ryo. Inside the room, Ryo had started by taking off his jacket. Tegoshi was sitting on the edge of the bed, shivering. His heart felt like it was going to explode.

Ryo stood in front of him with only his boxers on. He pulled Tegoshi to him and started fiddling with his clothes. The scarf came untied. The jacket easily sliding off. He moved to the buttons on Tegoshi's shirt and Tegoshi flinched for a moment. Tegoshi felt the goosebumps rise as his shirt was discarded on the floor. His jeans were easily removed. Ryo chuckled when he saw Tegoshi's boxers had Doraemon on it. He pulled Tegoshi on the bed. He kissed him on the lips. He moved to Tegoshi's neck but Tegoshi stopped him.

"Ryo-chan...can't we just stay like this?" Tegoshi hugged Ryo tightly, eyes closed.

"O...kay." Ryo wrapped his arms around Tegoshi.

"I mean, we don't really have to do this now. I'm not in a hurry, ne?"

"Okay." Ryo smiled and kissed the tip of Tegoshi's nose.

But of course they really didn't just stay that way the whole night. After all, Ryo waited nine years for this XD

"Ehh, nine years? Ryo, I think your calculations are wrong." Tegoshi emerged from the blanket.

"No, silly." Ryo emerged from the blanket too.

"You mean you were in love with me even before i confessed to you?"

"Hai~~"

"Uso!" was the last thing Tegoshi said because Ryo had pulled him back under the covers.

THE END
---------------

a/n: yaaaaaaa! that was the longest thing i wrote in one go. and sorry everyone but i just can't write smut even if my life depended on it. but i'm glad i got this out of my system. and now i can peacefully sleep :D

Under The Same Umbrella (3/?)

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:03:25 GMT

The next day, Ryo came to work feeling a bit out of sorts. They had to practice dancing for hours and he found himself slumping on the couch every break time and not doing anything else. He didn't have any appetite for lunch either. Pi had come over once to ask if he was feeling fine. Koyama tried to force him to eat something.

In the afternoon they headed for a photoshoot session. The van was crowded with the seven of them plus two staffs. He found himself sitting next to Tegoshi. The boy had earphones on and was humming a tune. Ryo settled in his seat. The location was relatively far and everybody was getting cozy. Ryo was feeling sleepy, trying to hold his head in place.

"Ano...Nishikido-kun?" Ryo turned to the source of the voice. He was met by those eyes again, but only for a moment because Tegoshi had lowered them right away.

"If you want you can sleep on my shoulder." Tegoshi smiled shyly and turned to look outside the car window. He was humming a different tune now. Ryo looked at Tegoshi's shoulder. It was inviting. It sure is better than trying to keep his head in place despite wanting to sleep. So he did. Slowly he leaned his head on the boy's shoulder and closed his eyes. It felt nice and Tegoshi's voice was lulling him to sleep.

Ryo was thankful when the photoshoot was over. At this point he really was feeling terrible. He was burning hot, and his eyes felt watery. Once in the middle of everything he wasn't able to stifle a sneeze. Ryo burrowed himself in the nearby sofa while he waited for the others to finish. He cursed himself for not taking any medicine when he knew this could happen. His thoughts went back to what happened last night.

They arrived at Yamapi's place after riding the elevator in silence. Ryo found a towel and wiped himself dry while Tegoshi watched him from the couch. Ryo stood up, tossed the towel, picked up his keys and headed to the door.

"You're leaving, Nishikido-kun?" Tegoshi stood up.

"I'm going home."

"Ahhh, sou ka?"

Before Ryo can finally walk out the door, Tegoshi spoke up again. He heard feet shuffling and then Tegoshi was behind him.

"Take this." Tegoshi held out the hand that was holding an umbrella.

"I really----"

"Just take it, please?" Tegoshi practically forced it in his hand before closing the door. Ryo stared at his hand and sighed before walking towards the elevator doors.

"That kid is really annoying." But he had an amused expression while saying it.

He looked at Tegoshi who was talking to Kusano and Shige, laughing at some silly joke maybe. The kid smiles a lot, even though he was a bit shy and caught up in his own world sometimes. Ryo couldn't help but smile to himself.

On the way back to the Jimusho, Ryo found himself sitting beside Tegoshi again (after he shoved Kusano to sit somewhere else). He was feeling worse and he was hoping he could lean on Tegoshi's shoulder again. He did without asking Tegoshi's permission. He closed his eyes and for a while all he could hear was the younger boy's steady breathing. Somehow he felt a little better. He wasn't sure if it was a dream when he felt a hand against his forehead.

That night in his apartment, buried under layers of blankets and having taken some medicine, he heard the familiar message alert tone from his phone. He groaned and crawled to the table where his phone was. Squinting, he read the message.

Nishikido-kun! It's Tegoshi. I know you were feeling sick today. Take medicine, ne? And take lots of rest. Get well soon! And don't worry about my umbrella, I have lots of spare. Jya, oyasumi!

Annoying kid, he thought. But he smiled as he closed his phone and went back to bed.

Under The Same Umbrella (2/?)

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 17:49:22 GMT

"Tegoshi..."

Ryo met the younger boy's eyes. Sleepy eyes. Tegoshi shivered slightly despite the jacket he was wearing over his pajamas, but he held the umbrella over their heads securely. If someone were to come down looking after him, Tegoshi was the person he least expected to do it. They didn't talk much. They didn't hang out much either, not outside work anyways. He had a feeling that the boy feared him a little and stayed away from him. And he never really took the initiative to reach out. As long as he had Uchi, he didn't think it was necessary to try a little harder. Everyone was getting along, generally. Things were fine, as far as he was concerned. Nothing was out of balance.

But now he had lost that one person he expected to keep himself together. The one he always thought would be there for him every time he needed him. Occasional trips to Osaka and phone calls wouldn't suffice. He needed someone tangible, someone he could talk to face to face. He had always relied on that comfort, only to find it suddenly snatched away from him. His balance had been disrupted. It wasn't fair, dammit.

Now this boy, this boy he barely talked to, was out in the park, despite cold and rain, to come to his aid. Not that Ryo asked for it.

"What are you doing here?"

----------

Tegoshi sat at the table in the kitchen, a paper cup with orange juice in his hand. He turned to the spot where he heard laughter. Yamapi and Koyama just doubled over what Uchi just said. It must have been a really good joke, he thought. His eyes scanned the room. Massu was still singing that KinKi Kids' song, trying to make Shige sing with him, which the latter declined. Ryo was at the opposite side of the room, quietly drinking his beer while watching the others.

He was feeling a little sleepy. He wasn't used to staying up this late. At home, he would already have been in bed. He yawned as he walked inside the bedroom, seeing futons already laid down on the floor. It was settled earlier that they were to use this room. After washing his face, brushing his teeth, and slipping into his pajamas, he immediately dived under the covers and soon enough fell asleep.

A particularly loud thunder woke him up with a start. He looked around the room. It was darker now, and the place was quiet, punctuated by occasional snoring. On the futon beside him lay Kusano, all sprawled, open-mouthed. He realized a moment later that it was raining. He wanted nothing but to snuggle deeper into his futon, but first he had to get a drink. His mouth was dry.

He drank his water as he leaned against the kitchen counter. Looking outside through the window. He loved rain. The sound soothes him, and it always makes him want to stay in bed all day. It was also kind of romantic, seeing it falling down and become puddles. His eyes had followed their descent, lower still, until they rested on the ground. The lights on the lampposts slightly blurred. He could see the park, the playground was deserted.

Deserted. That was what he thought before his eyes fell on the figure on the swings. It was definitely a person. A person who looked familiar. He placed his glass on the countertop and looked around the room. Not here. The figure outside must be him then, that person he knew. He looked at the figure more closely for a few minutes. It wasn't moving. It was just lying motionless, hanging limply, getting soaked in the rain. Tegoshi's mind acted instantly, grabbing the umbrella he had brought (he always had an umbrella in his bag, just in case) and headed towards the door.

----------

"What are you doing here?" The tone of Ryo's voice made Tegoshi want to squirm.

"I saw you from the kitchen window. I thought you passed out or something. And it was raining so i brought you an umbrella."

"Weren't you already asleep? You shouldn't have bothered."

"The thunder woke me up. And. And you might catch a cold if you stayed in the rain any longer."

"I can take care of myself. And why do you care anyways?"

Ryo heaved himself up from the swing, and started heading back to the apartment. Tegoshi was trailing behind him, still trying to cover both their heads with his umbrella, occasionally bumping against him when he would stop. Ryo wanted to brush him off but held back. The kid was just concerned about him. That thought alone made him refrain from throwing him any sharp remarks. It was not fair for him to vent his anger on someone who didn't deserve any of it. Yes, he was angry at Uchi, at Johnny, at himself, but not at Tegoshi. Just annoyed. A little. Annoyed that Tegoshi went out of his way to help someone when his help wasn't needed in the first place.

Under The Same Umbrella (1/?)

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 08:13:38 GMT

The day Uchi officially left NewS, they held a farewell party for him at Pi's place, the last chance all eight of them are going to be together. Ryo didn't want to go at first. He wasn't good at goodbyes no matter how casual it may seem, but Koyama insisted on it, since Pi, the leader wasn't one to impose things on people.

"Everyone else made an effort to come, and it'd hurt Uchi if you were the only person who won't be there," Koyama reasoned out to Ryo over the phone, nagging like he was his conscience. So Ryo gave in, even though what he really wanted to do was punch Koyama in the face.

They all knew that meeting after that amidst their tight schedules and trying to make their free times coincide would be close to impossible. It was meant to be a happy occasion, one that would leave Uchi at least happy memories as he heads back to Osaka.

But inevitably, the atmosphere went gloomy, after empty bottles of beer. Bodies were scattered, people were talking in a slurry, pointless conversations. Koyama was in a fit of giggles as Pi managed to mess up the lyrics of a particular song. The younger ones who weren't allowed to drink have long settled to various comfortable positions, sleeping.

Ryo tried to stop Uchi from drinking. The younger boy just shrugged him off.

"What's the matter, Ryo-chan? I'm suspended anyways. It's not as if they can suspend me twice." Uchi's voice was bitter. He looked like he was close to tears, but then he turned to the others, raising his bottle of beer.

"I'm gonna miss everybody!!!" he said jokingly, even though Ryo knew he really meant it. He watched as Uchi drank bottle after bottle. Soon enough he was swaying, and talking about random things to anyone he could reach, laughing like an idiot. Once Uchi almost slipped, but Ryo had caught him before he could hit himself on a nearby table. He laid him on the sofa. Uchi clung to him still. When Ryo looked at him, his eyes we're glistening.

"Ryo-chan. I'm sorry. It feels like I've abandoned you. " Uchi was sobbing now. Ryo felt his throat tighten as he let the younger boy hug him.

"I'm really sorry. Sorry sorry sorry." Uchi's cries are getting louder.

"Shhhhh. It's okay." Ryo caressed Uchi's hair. But Ryo didn't feel okay. He's feeling far from being okay. He felt miserable, just as miserable as Uchi. He felt like crying as well, but he knew it wouldn't change anything. Uchi is not a part of the group anymore, and that's that.

Ryo left him a while later, peacefully sleeping on the sofa. His chest felt heavy. He needed to go out. Everybody else was sleeping by now, the karaoke machine still playing. He thought about turning it off, but walked to the door instead.

His feet led him to the nearby park. It's deserted at this hour. He walked further until he reached the playground. He sat on the swing and pushed his feet against the sand. It felt like flying. He felt so light. He closed his eyes, trying to focus on this feeling alone. But as soon as he did, the pain hit him.

Tears started flowing. He really felt lonely. Uchi was right. It was as if he was leaving him alone. He wanted to kick and scream. He was angry. He was angry at Uchi for being so careless. He was angry at Johnny for imposing such punishment on Uchi. But he was more angry at himself for not watching over the younger boy. He was the only thing he's got. And he had let him down. They both let each other down. Things were much easier to face then, because they had each other. They got each other's backs. But now...

Tears kept flowing. The thought of all the train rides he now had to endure, without Uchi, for months, even years. From Osaka to Tokyo. From Tokyo to Osaka. All by himself. He felt drops of rain, few at first until it poured heavily. He heard the sound of thunder. But he didn't get up, didn't seek shelter. He didn't care. Let the rain wash it all away. He wished it was enough to drown him. But it didn't.

He didn't know how long he stayed like that. Finally, he noticed that the rain was not hitting him anymore. He lifted his head a little and saw a hand, holding an umbrella. He looked up further and saw the face to which that hand belonged to.

"Tegoshi..."

Smile

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 12:07:57 GMT

She was having a major exam that day, yet she conveniently woke up late for it. So she rushed to the classroom, cursing under her breath. She's more than a half an hour late! Good thing the sensei couldn't afford make-up tests. She was going away on leave after that so she agreed to let her take the test.

Naturally, the others finished up before her and soon she was left alone in the classroom. After she passed the paper, she headed for the toilet to freshen up. All that running made her face all sweaty and sticky. But she found out that the toilet in that building was under repair. Grumbling at the thought that she had to walk 50 meters more to the next building. On her way, who does she see walking towards the opposite direction? It's Yuya.

She flailed, panicked inside, maybe because she had this silly crush on him for months, but didn't dare show it because it's a little embarrassing for a sempai like her to be liking a kouhai who is 4 years younger!!!

She debated with herself. Should she continue walking? Or should she turn around and bolt? But then if she did that it would seem weird, and she didn't want him to suspect anything. They we're not really friends. They pass each other in the hallways and raise an eyebrow in acknowledging the other (well maybe with a small smile too) but that was just about it. Plus, most of the time she's with the company of friends so it wasn't that awkward.

This time she was alone, and she's afraid that in her nervousness he'd see through her. But it was too late to do anything now. Yuya was just a few feet away. She told herself she can do it, she's strong. Think like a sempai and just greet him the way you usually do!

So when they were close enough, she took a deep breath, finally looked at him and smiled. He looked surprised, and stopped momentarily. While she was feeling like whacking herself. What the hell? That smile was too bright! Cringe. She wanted to get away fast and started to double her pace. But then she heard him call from behind.

Sempai...

She winced. What now? Of course she had no choice but to turn around, clutching her books more tightly against her chest, as if that gesture would give her more courage.

Your smile just now. It's...

Pause.

You should smile like that more.

Then he winked before turning around, leaving her rooted to the ground.

Confession

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 11:46:56 GMT

She was in her room, just managed to zip up her dress and now working on her knee-length stockings. Her sister walked in, all made up.

"Oh, why do i get to wear these socks?" she complained to her sister who was checking herself in the mirror. Obviously she liked what her sister was wearing, looking at herself with a frown.

Her sister, although younger, was always the better looking one. She had the innate sense of fashion. Everything she decides to wear just looks good on her. While she, on the other hand, always needed someone else's help.

"Why do we even have to go to this party? It's so boring.'" She, although older, is always the one to complain, whine, and pout through everything she didn't like. And her sister was used to that, so much that she always just chooses to ignore her tantrums.

Grudgingly, she slipped into her shoes. They were red and shiny, like cherries. When she came down, she found two of Ryo's slaves (Tegoshi and Kusano) waiting for her.

"Nishikido Ryo-sama asks for you to meet him at the usual place before the party starts," they both chirped in unison.

"What the hell for?" They didn't say. Or rather they weren't given an explanation.

Complain, that's all she can do. After all, there's no point in questioning what goes on in Ryo's head. He just sees to it that he gets what he wants every time. But still, that wasn't enough for her not to rant the whole way. "We were going to meet at the party anyways." Blah Blah. The two slaves just kept their eyes on the road. Yes, she was extraordinarily bitchy today. Woke up on the wrong side of the bed. And she really hated going to the party, hated this dress, hated the stockings, well maybe except for the shoes. But that's not the point!

It was weird that she and Ryo became bestfriends. They have known each other since they were in diapers. And even though Ryo is treated as some sort of an authority at school, highly respected and feared by some, for her he'll always be that scrawny kid who loved playing in the sandbox at the park. She knows pretty well that the snark was just a front, and that he was really a big softie inside (just like an oreo cookie).

She was walking now towards their spot, to that bench near the cliff where you can see the whole town, where the breeze is nice. It was witness to a lot of phases in their lives, their weaknesses and strengths, their tears and frustrations, even the fights that should never be brought home or school. She can see him now, standing, looking at the view. He was handsome in that black tuxedo, she can tell even from looking at his back.

Her grumpy mood had somehow subsided. And she didn't know why she was taking extra care for him not to feel her presence. But he turned just then, catching her in midstep. He was really gorgeous. Sometimes she wondered how they lasted being good friends all these years. He seemed like he was too good for her. He smiled and walked towards her.

Placing her hands on her hips. "Nishikido Ryo. What is so important that it can't wait till the party starts?" she feigned annoyance but it didn't really show in her eyes. He didn't answer, just kept on staring at her, which made her heart start beating double time.

"Oi" she poked him. "What the hell's up with you?" He kept walking forward still, stopping when he was just inches away from her. Her mind wanted her to step back, but her body didn't follow. She shouldn't be feeling awkward with Ryo. 'This is Ryo, your best friend. You used to swim in the river with only your underwear. You used to steal fruit from the neighbor's backyard. You've seen him in his ugly duckling stage. You've slept in each other's rooms countless of times. You know him like the back of your hand. This shouldn't be awkward.'

But yet it was. With Ryo just standing in front of her, and staring, she can feel her cheeks starting to burn. If he's still not going to say anything, she's gonna punch him. She doesn't care if it damages his handsome face. Now she was getting really annoyed. What the hell is he playing at? Still he had that smirk on his face. She couldn't take it anymore. No more silence.

"RYO!!! WHAT IS IT?" She screamed. It just amused him. She had started giving him little punches on his chest. He laughed. He held her wrists to still her and brought his face down until their foreheads were pressed together. She wanted to wince, but she found herself just staring back at his eyes, hypnotized.

"I have a confession to make" he said quietly as he leaned further.

Alibi

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 11:40:02 GMT

Strange. That was what Shige thought when she suddenly came up to him. The class has ended.

"Hey, genius," She had a bright smile.

He looked up from gathering his books and blinked. She was looking down at him with those eyes. He awkwardly smiled back.

"So, um, we're having a big exam tomorrow, ne? I'm sure you're all ready for it."

He nodded, still not trusting his voice.

"Um, can i maybe ask for your help? I'm having trouble with the whole thing...that is if it's not a bother."

Her eyes trained on her shoes, looking hopeful. He cleared his throat.

"No problem." He hoped that sounded as casual as he wanted it to be. He considered smiling but in the end he didn't. He was too nervous. Her face lit up.

"Great! Where to? Your place?" He just nodded again, not looking at her.

They were silent all the way to his house, stealing glances, him wondering why all of a sudden she was acting friendly towards him. He was a class nerd after all, and she was part of the popular crowd. They were barely through the gate when Shige's mom burst through the door.

"Ah, Shige, you're finally here." and pulled him inside, not noticing that he was in fact, not alone.

She awkwardly stood at the gate, unsure if she should follow. Shige came out the door shortly. She could still hear his mom calling after him.

"I'm sorry. I forgot i was supposed to do something. I'm afraid I can't help you with studying."

She shook her head and smiled.

"I'm really sorry" Shige bowed.

"It's okay." She tried to sound cheerful, turned and left Shige looking like he had lost his favorite toy.

She went in the classroom the next day. Their eyes met for a second before she took her seat. The professor passed the papers and the exam started. Then it was over. Students were filing out, including her and her friends, not even glancing at his direction as they left.

Did he just dream everything that happened yesterday? He wondered while he stuffed his books in his backpack.

The day when the results were handed out came. He wondered if she did okay. He was worried. If she flunked then he'd totally feel bad, knowing that he could've helped her. Students started filing out. Class has ended again. He looked around, surprised that among the few students still left in the room, one of them was her, friends nowhere in sight. Something inside told him to go and ask, if only for his peace of mind. He just needed to know. Cautiously, he approached her. She was picking up her bag.

"Um, how did the it go? Your exam results, I mean." He hoped she didn't find him too nosy.

He was relieved when she smiled.

"It was good. See?" She held up her test paper in front of him. B+. He was astounded.

"I'm sorry about last time. I didn't mean to trouble you." She bowed.

"That's...no...I was sorry I couldn't help you, but i guess you managed just fine."

She bowed again. Then she spoke in a quiet voice, almost a whisper.

"Actually, I really just wanted to spend time with you."

Shige thought he was hearing things. What? Did she just say...?

He looked at her, her expression a mix of embarrassment and uncertainty. Then she made a move to leave. "Well, I should go."

Shige snapped out of his trance and spoke just as she was reaching for the door.

"Hey!" She paused. "Wanna get coffee or something?" He blurted out before he can even stop himself. She turned to him with an amused look on her face. "---that is, if you don't have anything to do." He added, sounding hopeful. He looked at her from across the room. She had that bright smile again.

"I'd love to."